Secrets to Reveal
by Love4Dreams
Summary: A past that refuses to be forgotten unless all its cards are unfolded. Every choice has its outcome in either present or future, but some choices stand out and affect a lifetime of events. Some mistakes are just a mere dust being blown away by wind.Other mistakes dig deeply in ground,resting there,refusing to be blown away,promising to keep wounding the hearts of everyone in reach.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: so..this anime was one of my best childhood memories,and i still love it but have no right to own it..

Disclaimer:"i don`t own any of characters of digimon world"

* * *

*secrets to reveal*

kouichi`s p.o.v

i`m laying on my bed breathing deeply, it`s late at night,i don`t really care what time it is, i don`t want to worry about when he will be here, the other bed in room is empty.. he isn`t there yet, which i`m thankful for

i just wish for this moment to freeze, a moment where 'he' is not in the picture..

moon light pierced through the window, i shifted my body off the bed and went towards the window to get a better view of the full moon,

..moon would always mean beautiful feelings to people, sometimes romantic ,sometimes they just love it`s beauty, other times it would just mean a light to them, despite all of that.. i see how cruel it is.. true it shined, but it forced everything around it to disappear, the stars that once were there are gone.. and it stays lonely, true it middles the sky with all it`s glory, but still so lonely..

i leaned on the wall next to the window tilting my head up looking at the ceiling while taking a deep breath, i touched my cheek with two of my finger tips pressing on it lightly ,i winced at how it sting, looks like the bruise from two nights ago didn`t vanish yet .. just how did things turn out this way? i held the necklace i was wearing around my neck as if it was going to answer me, my father told me it`s for my mother,he said she died right after giving birth to me..

i lived with my father, just the two of us my whole life, well, until a month ago, i can say my life was peaceful, i`m 17 now, i moved with my father into a new place, he said i`ll get a mother, she was a woman he met in a business trip, he said they got married in another country since he always travels, i felt happy when i knew she has a son, same age as mine, maybe i don`t have to live alone anymore, my father was barely around

it`s been a month since we moved here, kouji..my new brother, he is always calm, he had that scary aura around him, but something about him made me want to get closer to him, but he`d always get more mysterious than ever..

my desire to know more about him disappeared that night.. three weeks ago, when all the abuse started, when my body was covered in bruises thanks to him, and this bruise on my cheek is no difference, it`s from the same fist, his fist

a shiver went down my spine as i heard the door get open, he stepped in looking as calm as ever, i could never know what he`s thinking of, or expect what he was going to do, all i know is.. he`ll hurt me soon or later, but tonight.. he just laid there on bed not bothering to look at me..

i got closer to him although i was trembling, i just wanted to tell him to at least change before sleeping, i knew his mother, well.. our mother now will get upset with him if she came and saw him sleeping with a ripped top and dust all over his jeans, i know very well that he was fighting somewhere but i didn`t want him to get in troubles at home too, honestly, i have no idea why i care, i just do

"kouji.. change into something else, mother will get angry " i said keeping my voice still

he looked at me, just his gaze felt like a strike of fear to me, he got up and stepped forward, i stepped back.. he kept coming towards me, i kept going back `till i collided to the wall behind me, i saw him staring at my chest..i knew what he was staring at, i rushed to hide the necklace within my shirt, i don`t know why but i felt something snap within him whenever he sees the necklace, well, i wasn`t quick enough to hide it, it was too late, he already saw it

he shifted his sight to meet my eyes, i stopped breathing,

he asked:"why.. why do you keep it?" that was the voice rarely ever heard from him, he doesn`t talk much

"i.. i need it.."

he snatched it out of my neck roughly, the chain of it grazed my neck but that wasn`t the least i cared about..

"give it back! kouji!" i didn`t expect my voice to come out this loud..

but i felt a strong strike hit me, he slapped me so hard i fell to floor feeling my ear ringing, i held my stinging cheek , tears piling up in my eyes,my voice trembled but i still asked for my necklace

"please..give it back.. it`s all i`ve got left from her"

"you can forget about it" he said in his usual voice, the cold-heartedly one

i got up on my feet trying to get it back but he pushed me strongly making me fall back and collide to wall, my back ached, but not more than my heart, it felt like a part of me was snatched away.. he left the room, each step of his squeezing my heart more, no. i wasn`t going to accept that, i went after him to try to get it back again, i pulled his arm to stop him, he yanked his arm out of my grip roughly making me stumble backwards, he turned to face me

"you want it? then come get it" he quickened his steps heading out of house , i ran after him in street, my feet were bare, the cold breeze slapped against my skin, my head was still spinning from that slap but that didn`t matter at all, all that mattered is to get the most precious thing back to me

he stopped in front of a river.. i questioned why we were there, then it got to me, he was going to throw it in river! no, he can`t do that ! his hand rose up in the air, i ran to stop him, i gripped his arm, he yanked it from me again and i fell on my face..

*blup* voice was heard.. i stopped breathing..

it can`t be.. it just can`t.. he threw it? in river?

"what have you done?" i yelled, my voice cracked, he just walked away as if nothing happened..

i got up, tears blurring my vision, but that wasn`t the time for tears, i had to find it, even if it takes forever.. i had to find it! i got into water, it was so freezing cold, but i didn`t care..

i have no idea how much time i was searching, all i know is sunlight could reach me now, i stopped, desperate, defeated, how could i ever find it in a river? i got my drenched legs out of water, my feet felt so heavy to move although i was feeling really light ,i walked back home,although that place can`t be called home, tears on my eyes refused to fall, i was too drained to cry

kouji.. i`m the biggest idiot in the world.. and to think i cared for you.. you`re the worst..the worst ever, i`ll never forget this..unforgivable! i swallowed the hate and anger i felt, it hurts, it hurts so much to swallow this misery, i really can`t take it,

_'mom.. i`m sorry, so sorry'_..

a tear could finally roll down as my feet gave up on me and i leaned on the wall sliding down into a sitting position crying my eyes out...

"are you alright?"

i heard a woman`s voice but i didn`t really response..i don`t know for how long i was crying, everything seemed so unreal, how can sun shine so brightly when i`m drowning in this pathetic life? how can birds sing so happily when i`m lost in sorrow? how can this woman care..when nobody does? yes, she really seemed like one of my fantasies

she got closer and shook me holding my shoulder, then i felt her touch on my forehead, god! her hand felt so gentle!

"oh my god you are burning!" she said and stopped a taxi taking me to hospital

i wondered if my mom was this caring.. i mumbled her name once more placing my hand where the necklace used to be and i closed my eyes.. the movement of the car.. the worried voice next to me, none of that mattered.. it was all.. a mere fantasy


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Immortal Fallen Radiance,Asarikou-chan : Thank you for your reviews and tips. I`ll try to follow ^.^

nene-san:Thanks for loving the story =3

Disclaimer: I don't own any of Digimon characters.

* * *

"You woke" The woman sitting next to Koiuchi's bed smiled warmly. Kouichi followed the source of voice using his eyes and saw her. He just looked blankly at her taken aback by how tender the look she gave him was. Although he wasn't really in that much of consciousness, he could still feel it.

"As much as i want you to rest, i have to get your home number. Can you tell me that?" She asked.

Kouichi placed his sight at the ceiling and closed his eyes in a try to force his tired brain to remember something. In a while he could barely mumble the numbers of his step-mother's cell phone. His father changed his number few days ago and he couldn't remember any of it.

The woman finished typing the numbers but hesitated a lot to dial it.

"I don't understand why you were out there drenched in water and some mud, but before i dial this number, those bruises, are they your parents' doing?"

Kouichi's eyes snapped open and he looked at her right away. He could only utter:"H..how..?" He didn't want anyone to see any kind of bruises that were on his body. It was..humiliating !

"It's on your face, and there's a trail of bruise on your collar bone"

"No, i just fought with someone" kouichi answered looking away. He couldn't tell her the reason was his brother.

"Okay, but here's my number. If you need help, give me a call. I'll go call your family now. have some rest"

"Why do you... seem so worried?" He asked before she could get away. He originally thought this thought will stay locked in his mind. He had no idea how it turned to words.

She stroke his hair gently and said:" I just.. had a son who'd be around the same age as you. You remind me of him"

_'Had?'_ Kouichi questioned in his mind. She could read his thought right away and smiled sadly saying:" He passed away"

"Sorry to hear that" Kouichi felt really guilty to ask when he saw her sudden saddened face.

"Thank you. For a moment i felt his presence. I'll go. Have some rest" She left,leaving Kouichi wondering how strange life is. A woman who lost her son found a guy who lost his mother. Just now he realized the painful fact that the tenderness, care and warmth she gave him wasn't for him, but for someone else. She saw her son through him.

Yet, just the mere reality she could give out that truthful emotions thanks to the fact he was the same old as her son made a slight smile find its way to his face making him place his hand on the necklace. Only to find it wasn't there anymore. A split second before he could question why it wasn't there, he remembered what kouji did and felt pure anger mixed with hurt wash over him.

...

*Knock Knock*

Kouji didn't bother to open his eyes as he heard the knocks as long as there was someone else around.

He ordered:"Kouichi, Go open the door"

But silence controlled the place. Kouji was getting annoyed

He rubbed his sleepy eyes and looked at the bed next to him"Kouichi?" but it was empty

The knocks got louder and louder.

He got up and went to open the door.

"What were you doing? It's late in the after noon already. Why are you still sleeping? " The woman at door yelled

"Welcome home" Kouji answered coldly while turning to go back to his room.

"Stop right there! Your brother just got out from hospital. He's sleeping in the car. I don't want to wake him so help me carry him to the room"

Kouji turned back:"Hospital?"

"Yes, a woman found him this morning burning with fever, so she took him to hospital and called me. What in the world were you doing letting him get that sick?!"

Kouji said no word and walked past that woman who's supposed to be his mother. He opened the back door of car, carried kouichi and took him to his bed. He looked at the sleeping face of Kouichi and smiled ironically.

_'So you stayed out all night for that thing. You deserve to get sick'_ He thought pushing any tiny amount of guilt out of his mind. Sleep totally left his eyes. He went back downstairs to meet the angry face of his mother. Although he still couldn't call her a mother. Ironically, he was adopted by that woman for nine years now and he still can't call her a mother.

"I had to stop my work and come back to him. Why are you not taking care of him?"

Kouji just stretched out his arms to relief the stiffening he felt in his body.

"What's with this hair? Didn't i tell you to cut it? It doesn't suit a student"

Kouji held some wisps of his hair as if checking it and released them not saying a thing, giving her the look of '_does it look like i care?'_

"why are you being like this?"

kouji walked towards the bathroom ignoring every single word. He was about to close the door when she stopped him preventing that door from being closed

He let her do whatever she wants and stood at the sink splashing water on his face

"Are you listening to me at all? And did you fight again? Don't tell me you got him involved in your fights. I can see a buirse on his face. I won't allow you to ruin such an innocent kid"

Kouji placed his head under the water wetting his hair as if whatever she was saying didn't matter, more like a futile try to block her voice from reaching him.

"If you keep these fights, you might actually _kill _someone!"

His eyes widened. something finally seemed to touch him.

"People always comment on you as a trouble maker. If any bad happens, you'll be number one suspect!"

He stopped the pouring water and shifted his sight looking stright into her eyes. He said in barely hearable voice:" Any bad like what? A murder?"

She froze. Something within his eyes sent fear deep within her. The emotion his voice carried was unknown to her. She couldn't utter a word.

" Ah, and if you are so ashamed of me, i'll make it easier for you. You just shouldn't have adopted me. It's as simple as that" He continued

He stepped forward making her step back giving a room for the door to be closed. He chuckled saying:"Good. Now you understand i need to take a shower" And he closed the door at her face while she was too busy trying to calm her fear and hurt.

...

Kouji ignored the constant stares that were trying to make holes in his head and just listened to his cell's play list and continued on carving the peace of wood within his hands, thinking that Kouichi will just quit any time soon, but that didn't seem to happen so he opened his mouth to talk without looking at him.

" You hate me? "

Kouichi showed no response. His gaze never leaving Kouji. He felt too much anger to talk. Either it's fever or dizziness. He could only feel anger.

"I've got the answer. Do a favour to someone and that one will hate you"

"How can stepping on someone's feelings and taking the most precious thing to him be a favour?" kouichi`s voice finally came out, shaken, enraged with anger.

"Precious huh? You are better off without her. I bet she was a heartless woman"

Kouichi snapped:"Don't you dare bad mouth about her!"

Kouji let out a tiny laugh:" Now you threaten me? The best thing she can do is ruining lives"

Kouichi got up from his bed ignoring the spinning room and jumped on his brother giving him a punch. Kouji pushed him off of him making him fall on ground. Then he pinned him to floor being on top of him. H didn't need much force to do that. After all, the little knife he had in hand was enough to stop any movement of Kouichi.

Footsteps were heard getting closer. His mother must have heard the noise of kouichi's fall. She knocked the door asking:"Anything wrong?!"

Kouji whispered to kouichi underneath him who's eyes got widened :"Tell her nothing is wrong"

Kouichi said terrified by the cold blade pressed on his neck:"Everything is fine.. I .. i just dropped something!" He shouted to his step-mother careful not to move at all afraid that blade will sink into his flesh.

"Okay then have some sleep" She said then left the place.

"Good boy. Now don't you ever give me that looks. It's not my fault that your mother is a mess"

"Don't say it. She's dead. You don't even know her" Kouichi said,voice trembling, tears dripping down his eyes while looking away. It hurt him how kouji insulted his mother when he didn't meet her not even once. And he just lost the last thing he had left from her. It was just too much. He hated how weak he is not to be able to defend his own mother.

Kouji let go of him. He got up saying:"so that's what they told you. She's alive. She just chose to leave you all those years"

Kouichi not believing what he heard:"It can't be. Why'd she leave me if she was alive?"

Kouji grabbed his jacket not answering him

"Tell me!"

"I shouldn't be the one to tell. Not interested in this mess" And he left the room leaving kouichi in his dust.

Kouichi curled up into a small ball trying his best to keep his sobs' voice down. He didn't want his step-mother to see him in that state.

_'Why..why'd you lie about such a thing?'_

...

"Your temperature is way better today" Kouichi's step mother said.

"Thanks for taking care of me" he smiled at her.

"It's my duty. Plus, i care about you, but kouichi, i'm sorry. I know your father left in a 6 months business trip but i must go for 2 months job. And its not here in japan. You can stay here with kouji right?"

Kouichi got nervous at the thought he'd be alone with him :"Can't this job be delayed?" He didn't want to be left alone with a heartless person!

"I'm sorry, i should leave by tomorrow"

"So soon?"

"Yes"

He nodded in understanding and gave one of his sweet smiles:"Yes sure, i can take care of myself"

"Try to get along with kouji. He's not that bad. He wasn't like this before. It'll be a chance for that"

_'Yeah he's not bad. He's just the worst'_ Kouichi thought to himself but nodded to her still smiling not to worry her.

He was just too thoughtful to worry anyone around him.

But he had no idea what he was throwing himself at...


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Chapter looks any different? It surely does. The beloved Asarikou-chan did the edit and helped me a lot. She even chose the name of a new character that will be added in this chapter. A great thanks to her ^_^

**Disclaimer: **I do NOT own any of Digimon characters.

* * *

******Chapter Three**  


**Secrets to Reveal**_  
_

_Kouichi's P.O.V_

It's been two days since my step-mother left me alone with this person. We have the whole house for ourselves, so I don't bother to sleep in the same room with him anymore. He's just a deadly bomb whenever I give him angry, hatred looks, hate or even simple smiles. He hates me anyways and beats me without needing a reason, so I thought I might as well just smile.

Smiling to annoy him or to life my mood wasn't the only reasons for my smiles. In my dreams, there was somebody who always comes, telling me to smile. I know it doesn't make sense but for that person I want to smile. I wish if I can see his face clearly in my dream. I really wish to meet him once more. Only once, it'll be great. He's not just someone who visits my dreams. I met him before. I still remember that day, but I wonder why I can't even remember his features and why he is visiting my dreams lately.

*Flash back*

_I was wandering around in a small garden with my favorite teddy bear. It was a gift from my grandfather before he passed away, so I treasured it deeply. Everyone used to say that I was as cute as a girl, which I hated the most. A group of boys came closer and gathered around me._

_"You still play with teddy bears? That is so cute, cutie." One of them teased sickeningly._

_"Don't call me cute! I'm a boy!" I yelled getting obviously angry._

_"A boy? Wow. I didn't think so. If you are a boy then prove it and defend yourself!" He started to hit me along the other two other boys._

_I tried to fight back but they were three! Then somebody said:"Three on one? Don't you think it's unfair?"_

_And he joined the fight. He managed to beat them all in an instant. I was wondering how he could do it while i couldn't. They ran away._

_I was about to thank him when he said softly, surprising me, "You're cute"_

_I forgot about thanking him. My childish pride snapped. I yelled:"I'm not cute! You shouldn't have helped! I could beat them all!"_

_He just stroked my hair gently:"Calm down. Yes, of course you could, but that doesn't mean you are not cute."_

_I slapped his hand away:"Don't treat me that way!" I was so angry to the extent tears piled up on my eyes_

_"Don't be so angry. Listen…" he gave me the most gentle smile ever:" You know who you are. You know you are strong. You don't need to prove it to anyone"_

_Then he hugged me. I was frozen for a moment but for some reason I felt safe…and happy. I couldn't help but trust this person. Soon after I couldn't find any trace of the anger from moments ago._

_We start playing in the garden, chasing small flying butterflies. Beautiful birds were happily singing above the nearby tree. We were laughing so freely. He told me to give him a smile before he leave._

_It was then that I remembered we didn't even exchange names so I smiled and introduced myself politely, an embarrassed blush staining my cheeks:"I'm Kouichi, and you?"_

_"I'll tell you when we meet again" he said. I think he liked to act cool._

_I asked if I'll ever see him again._

_He muttered more to himself than to me, "Maybe we will" And he left_

_I yelled while waving goodbye :"See you later, hero!" The title I gave him escaped unconsciously from my lips. I just couldn't call him something else. He was a hero and that wasn't because he saved me from some bullies but because he managed to make me happy and we became friends rather quickly. Just a really good person-a hero- could befriend someone like me so easily ._

*End of flash back*

The mere memory of him made me happy. He's my first friend ever, but we never met after that. Although it was only for a short while, he was a true friend to me. I don't know how I felt like I knew him since ever. Even now, I still feel that strange connection to him. I wish to go back in time and find out more about him. At least something to know where to meet him again. For unexplained reason, I feel that we may meet again even if meeting again hadn't been a promise.

"What are you smiling at?"

Kouji's voice startled me making me drop the cup of water I was holding. Water was poured on his shirt. How come I didn't notice him being that close?! But that's not the issue here. Water was spilled all over his shirt!

Before I could even think what his reaction would be, I found myself pinned to the near wall. His hands on my neck were choking me. While I was struggling for my breath, he punched my stomach with his other hand and let me go. I fell to my knees. It hurt so painfully! But only today. I'm not allowing him to ruin my mood.

"You're good for nothing!" He sneered and walked away.

After I managed to pull myself up, I heard a knock at the door.

It must be my friend from my old school. I was feeling much better today because I would have a company other than Kouji. There was no way I would let him ruin my mood when I have no desire to fight him. I had felt bad when we moved away from my old place. I miss my friends and my school there. Luckily, my friend called me yesterday and told me that he moved closer to my place and that he would come to visit me as soon as he can.

I ran to the door but Kouji already opened. He was standing there not moving. I couldn't see who was at door. He blocked my vision.

I thought, maybe it wasn't my friend since Kouji was standing there like a statue, but I decided to make sure.

"Who is it?" I got closer to get a better view.

Then a wide smile showed on my face as I heard my friend's voice calling my name from behind Kouji.

"Kouichi!"

Hashirou grinned to me once he saw me, his dark brown hair was as neat as ever. Nothing seemed to change about him even the chocolate like eyes he had looked at me happily before he smiled mischievously. I ran towards him. He jumped on me all excited, his left arm around my shoulder, the other hand turned into a fist ruffling my hair roughly. He didn't change a bit.

For a moment, I forgot that Kouji ever existed and laughed, "Stop it!"

Hashirou let go of me, and I pulled him inside to chat and catch up with what we've missed. Kouji was standing there shocked. I didn't know why he had that shocked expression on his face but I didn't really care. My friend is much important than him.

_End of Kouichi's P.O.V_

* * *

Kouichi was just about to fall asleep when the same voice he hated the most took that blissful sleepiness away from him.

"Who's that?"

"You don't need to know"

"I asked you a question and I expect to get an answer!"

Kouichi was taken aback by his strange attitude. It wasn't like Kouji to care about whatever he was doing. "Why do you want to know?!"

"Whatever. Just don't see him again."

"You're not the one to decide that!" Kouichi covered his face with the blanket. At that point he didn't want to know the reason of anything. Everything about Kouji didn't make sense. It seemed as if whatever Kouji was doing was ruining his life.

"He can't come here. If he comes, I will tell him you are either sleeping or out. You can't meet him anywhere else. In fact, if I ever knew you went out, I'll assume you went to meet him, and that won't turn good." he stated firmly.

Kouichi got up in an instant, giving Kouji his best deadly glares."You're not the one to control my life! You can't force me to leave my friend!" At that moment, he felt great rage towards Kouji. What the hell had he done to him to deserve all this? The repetitive beating , his mother's lost necklace and now he was isolating him from the only friend he can meet up with.

Kouji stared back coldly but gave no indication that he cared about Kouichi's protest. "My words are clear"

So many words ached Kouichi's throat and needed to come out but none of them did. He just wanted to sleep peacefully for once without getting beaten or being upset. Besides he knew no matter how many words he said, it'll be just a waste of breath.

He laid and covered his head with blanket once more trying to ignore the world, but he couldn't really sleep. The long minutes passed slowly, making his thoughts clearer. Life was unbearable like this. He wouldn't survive long. A crazy thought rushed to him hesitantly. Maybe he could spend the rest of those two months with at his friend's house. No one could hurt him there. Hashirou gave him his address before leaving. Hashirou was living alone with his mother and she was so nice to him. He was sure his friend's family wouldn't mind. Hashirou lived with his mother alone since his father passed away. His mother was super nice to Kouichi.

He made up his mind, reminding himself that he wouldn't lose more than what he had lost if he gave it a try. His step-mother wouldn't know if he came back before her arrival date. Anxiously, he waited for Kouji to fall asleep and hold the paper that have his friend's address. He packed a small bag with the necessary things, his mind could function that late at night.

Carefully stepping not to make any noise, he sneaked out slowly. Getting out of the house was a success.

He breathed deeply gathering his strength, looking at the wide sky above him then started to walk away. Everything would be okay now. His friend's house was few minutes from there. It would be fine. The self-reassuring he gave himself didn't last long once he felt quickly approaching steps behind him. Before managing to run, the devil had just caught him. Kouichi's heart nearly stopped when he saw who was holding his shoulder from behind. He tried to run but Kouji caught him dragging him back home. The house wasn't far from where they were so it didn't take long to reach there. Once the door was closed behind them, Kouji throw him to the floor heartlessly.

"What do you think you were doing?! You will regret it!" Kouji's eyes flamed with anger. Kouichi crawled away. Normally, he'd try to fight back and fail, but now he just crawled away. A panic attack controlled him when he saw the anger in Kouji's eyes. The person in front of him was nothing like the Kouji he knew. He was ten times worse! How can anyone get _that_ angry?!

Kouji got on top of Kouichi. It all happened in an instant, the rain of punches Kouichi received. He didn't even try to count the number. They kept falling mercilessly upon him. Kouichi coughed blood.

Kouji got up and started kicking him on the stomach. Kouichi could barely adjust himself in a way to protect himself. He felt he could vomit any time soon. But that only allowed Kouji to target Kouichi more violently and angrily.

It made no sense. Why would he get this angry? Kouji had never beaten him this harshly even after coming a mistake. Kouichi's mind was wrapped in the pain, his whole body was suffering from. He couldn't think of anything other than needing that pain to leave or rather wishing he would became numb so he wouldn't feel anything.

After what seemed like forever of hitting. Kouji left to his room not even looking back at Kouichi.

Kouichi laid there. Almost unconscious. He was in so much pain for tears to come. He just needed to get drift into unconsciousness, but the screaming pain in every inch of his body refused to let him have that comfort.

He didn't know for how long he continued lying there 'till someone came and carried him carefully. Kouichi opened his eyes weakly but could hardly see anything. His senses were foggy and confused but he felt secure. After so much struggle, he caught a glimpse of, not really seeing well. He felt safe in that arms. He just caught a glimpse of his savior. The guest and the continuous visitor of his dreams.

A small, faint smile curled his lips as he mumbled, "H..hero.."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: nene-san , Moonsmile-chan, Asarikou-chan and Guest: Thank you so much for your support ^.^

Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of digimon characters.

* * *

***Chapter four***

_" You're not the one to control my life! You can't force me to leave my friend! "_

A friend? What's that? To make him glare at me that hateful. Yet, again, i just pretended as if i didn't hates me. I'm sure of it. And i'm sure it's my fault. Why do i treat him this way?

No matter how many times i ask myself this question, one answer comes to mind. It's because i know no other way. How to be nice. How to speak my mind or heart. These things feel so far beyond my reach.

Ever since long ago. i never got close to anyone. Never made any effort for that purpose. It's the other way around. I always hit and bully anyone who tried to see through me. To be a friend of mine, but that's 'cause i was scared. Scared they'll see my true self. Who i am. The one that rests within me. And i knew if they do, they'll never understand how i turned this way. No, even me never understood. How can anyone ever do?

But Kouichi, he's different. I'm not scared of him. Or maybe i am, but i want him to accept me. I want to take the risk of exposing my true self to him. I'm tired, and i don't know how but i have this feeling that he will understand me better than my own self. Ever since the first day i saw him. His presence felt so foreign. It reminded me of something i couldn't tell what it was. The whole place i called house started to feel like home. For once, i started to feel comfort around someone.

I wanted to come out in the open for him. I wanted him to reach out to me. But i didn't know how...

I started hitting him. Perhaps i wanted him to get a tiny taste of what i went through. Each time i hit him, there was this mere hope that he'll see through my actions. That he'll be able to reach me. That he'd be able to see through my pain. Maybe i'm an idiot, but i somehow believe he may have that sort of ability. An ability i doubt if anyone have. I always did my best to cover my eyes from seeing the pain i caused him, still clinging to that selfish hope, that he'll understand me. If i helped him take a glance at what i went through. the way i was hit, then maybe he'd come to my shadow? Those who lived in the light will never understand what it means to live in the shadow.

Yet, that wasn't the only reason for hitting him. There's this complex of feelings inside of me. There's that fact that made me hate to see his smile. I just wanted to break it. Maybe because he's so clueless. He should've been me. He should've been the one to go through all of that. How could he just smile when i was the one to take his place? Not that i could tell him anything. To how weak i am. I just beat him. I'm just a cowered hiding behind his fist. I can't confront him with anything !

I heard a movement. I knew Kouichi was the cause of it. I opened my eyes slightly and looked his way. I could tell he thought i was sleeping. 'cause he was packing. I didn't know how to re-act, so i pretended to be a sleep. I was angry, but sadness squeezed my heart. Here, an obvious prove he hates me to the extent of not even waiting to see my face in the morning. An obvious prove that there's no chance he'll understand me. I wasn't going to stop him. He could go. I can't help but hit him when i see how clueless he is, and just now i lost any hope i had that he'll understand me. It's better if he just left me alone. If he never got into my life at first place, maybe loneliness was better than this feeling. A feeling of... loss? I can't tell anymore.

_' where will he go?_'

This flash thought crossed my mind. Then it hit me. The only place for him now must be his friend's place. The friend that could tame me by everything i wanted to forget so hopelessly in an instant. I lost my track of thought. I lost my every sensible thinking. All i knew is i had to stop him. In any way! This whole world felt so scary as i tried to find my way to Kouichi. Stopping him seemed like the only way for me to survive!

* * *

I couldn't sleep at all. Heck! sleep wasn't even my concern. My chest hurts. I went way too far. I'm being just like him! The one i hate so much. The condition i left Kouichi at, i don't even know what it is. Again, i covered my eyes from seeing. How could i turn to something like that? What am i doing? How could i lose control this much?! I decided to go downstairs just to check if Kouichi was where i left him although i was sure i won't find Kouichi in such a late time. He probably went to sleep. I beat him so hard after all, but there was still that voice within me that told me to go.

Once i stepped down stairs, i was shocked to see him still laying there. Where i left him. He wasn't moving. At that moment, there was only me, him, and all that wild fear within me. I felt he's so far, so far beyond my reach. I panicked and ran towards him. I stretched out my shaking hand to check his pulse. It felt as if time has stopped. All nightmares gathered in my head right in that moment. My heart raced. It felt as if it was going to break my rib cage and jump out of it. I just prayed he wasn't... i didn't even want it to cross my mind. I couldn't bear the thought of that happening again!

A huge relief washed over me as i could feel his heart beat. I carried him carefully, holding him close to me as if i was hugging him. I just wanted to feel his presence. That he is somehow safe. Although being with me was way far from 'safe'. He opened his eyes a bit. I could notice that . He mumbled something i barely heard.

" H..hero.."

I placed him on the bed that he left not to share a room with me. I placed blanket on him and took a look at him. His lip had a swollen cut. A bruise on his cheek, another dark mark around his eye. He was a mess, and it was all my doing. I cleaned the trail of blood that was on the side of his lips and checked if he had a serious injury. My hands were ridiculously shivering. I warned him. Why did he disobey me? Kouji, you are pathetic. Putting the blame on him now?

Hashirou, whoever he is. The thought of him being around terrifies me. His eyes are the same eyes from 9 years ago. I can't bear seeing him. Those eyes hunted me every night, ripped me slowly, tortured me... No, there's a lot to it more than that. It's guilt. Guilt is what's killing me.

I laid on the bed tightening the blanket around me. Yet, i felt no warmth what so ever. There was this voice in the back of my head. A voice i couldn't recognize. It was repeating:

_'hero'_

I have no idea why that name bugged me to the extent. It just did, and this night could join the line of nights that took forever to end.

* * *

_A child smiled and said:"I'm Kouichi, you are ?"_

_"I'll tell you when we meet again"_

_"See you later hero !"_

_The child disappeared. Instead, somebody appeared. All curled up into a small ball. I could tell he was Kouichi although i didn't see his face. I walked towards him. I touched his shoulder. He jerked at my touch, then he faced me, tears rolling down his eyes._

_" You..you hurt me! You tortured me! You stepped on my feelings! You killed every beautiful meaning i had! I hate you! I hate you! I wish you'd disappear. You ruined everything! You're not even a human. You ruined me!" His voice cracked many times holding all the pained feelings i couldn't imagine._

_I fell back crawling away. My feet gave up on me. It's true, i'm the worst. I did all that._

_..._

I got up , sweating, panting. I realized i was still in room. It was just a dream. I mumbled the name..

"Kouichi.."

I looked at his bed before i could even calm my breath. It was empty. How could i forget? Wasn't he the one i always got back to that garden to meet? Wasn't he the one i wished to see his pure smile to make my day? Then why? Why am i taking that smile away from him?

I placed my hand on my forehead as many thoughts raced to my mind. How could i be so blind and not know it when he's right here? Under the same roof! My friend... my brother. We finally met and i only hurt him! I'm such a coward. I'd always hurt him and leave not to see him hurting. I couldn't bear it although i caused it! I couldn't bear the glares of hate he gives me, but i still cling to my desire that he'd understand me if he tasted my pain. I still wanted to break that smile. Why didn't i stop?

I thought he should've been me. He should've been the one to go through all of that. The things i had to put up with.. No, what am i saying? How could i punish him for something like that? If it's him who suffered that. I'd wish to be in his place. I'd never want him to face such a thing . Why were i punishing him? Why does it have to be you Kouichi? The only person i ever considered a friend. Why?!

I got up to wash my face. perhaps it'd calm me a bit. I saw kouichi heading out of the bath room. His eyes widened. He got terrified of me. The sight of his swollen face made my stomach flinch. I did that to him.

"I..i'll make breakfast right away. Please don't be mad at me" Kouichi said and walked to kitchen right away. His voice trembled. I watched him walk away. He was having trouble walking. As if his leg was hurting him. Nobody can blame him. Again, i did that to him.

I walked after him. He opened the fridge's door. I held the door. Although i can't find the words to phrase it, i just wanted to tell him to go back to room. I'd make breakfast, but as soon as he realized how close i was, he fell to the floor, trembling violently. He yelled:"Don't hurt me! Please !"

My eyes widened. Just... _what have i done?_ It hurts. My chest is being squeezed mercilessly. I bent down. He crawled back begging not to hurt him.

"Please don't. I'm sorry i woke late, but i swear it'll not happen again!" I fought the urge to cry that suddenly attacked me and managed to say:"I won't hurt you,calm down" My voice came out more like a plead.

He didn't seem to listen and crossed his arms in front of his face in a protective way begging more :"It won't happen again. I'll make breakfast quickly. Just don't hurt me " I clutched my hands into a fist. Angry, so angry at myself. I got up and left him. In a while he came with a tray of scrambled eggs, toast and some juice. The tray was trembling. I could tell he was in pain. I guess his arm couldn't carry the weight of tray. Now that i notice it, he wasn't moving it normally. I must have hurt it yesterday. He dropped the tray. Everything scattered on floor, but i didn't give a damn about that. I just watched him gather them in fear, saying he'll get me another one. He didn't dare to look at me. When he bent down, a part of his back appeared, showing a huge bruise. I went closer . He stumbled backwards, but i had to see it. I had to know the size of what i've done.

I lifted the edge of his shirt, slowly, exposing the bruised skin of his back bit by bit. Each bruise i saw felt like a knife piercing through my heart. I saw old ones on their way to recover , newer ones and fresh ones which were the worst. I traced some of bruises with my finger tips. My finger tips felt like burning. How could i do that?! He was still trembling. It was close to a mirror of me years ago, but wasn't that what i wanted? Then why am i ripping inside? I heard him trying his best to keep his sobbing voice down not to anger me. I left the room when i realized i was crying too! These hot tears haven't touched my cheeks for years, but i can't stop them now! This bitter feeling in my throat won't go away. What have i done to him?

I..i've turned to the one i hate the most! I must be his worst nightmare. He must be hating me to death now, but i can never blame him. He must want me to disappear. I'll give him that. At least, i must give him ease. I wiped the tears that were tracing my cheeks and fought the rest of them not to come. I went to get a cup of water. I put some sleeping pills in it. There was plenty of sleeping pills the woman who adopted me used for her insomnia.

I gave the cup to Kouichi

"Drink it"

I ordered knowing he'll do anything i say, but something inside me wished he'd refuse. I wished if he still had the will to fight, but looks like i killed that too. He took the cup from my hand and stared at it for a while. I couldn't tell what was on his mind. yet, i was scared to know what's in his mind.

" Drink it!" I ordered more firmly.. He swallowed the water in one gulp. It took him only few moments to drift into sleep. I wanted him to sleep deeply without worrying about when _'my'_ _lunch time_ will come. He needs it. When he wakes, i'd be already gone. I placed him on bed. I took his hand in mine. I placed the necklace of his mother within his hand. I couldn't throw it away. I knew none of my parents myself, so i couldn't throw it. It was a mere stone that fell in the river.

I took one more glance at him and whispered:" Goodbye Kouichi. Please keep smiling"

" Hero.." He mumbled in his sleep.

I smiled bitterly at what i've ruined, and just walked away with that tear that decided to fall when i heard him calling me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **I do Not own any character in Digimon.

* * *

Kouichi's P.O.V

Channel one.

Endless news about the wars, explosions, and how many people are murdered everyday. No matter in which scale i try to place it. Two results come to mind. It's either that humanity was murdered, or that humenity is cruel and merciless. But i think it's both.

Channel two.

An entertainment show. Singers and actors competing and laughing together carelessly. Perhaps to add joy to people's lives, but i'll stop at that. I turned off the TV and went to pick up a book to read. I'm not in the mood to watch anything.

It's been a month since Kouji disappeared. Well, he sends to me my share of the money that our parents send. More like he sends to me more than my share. That's how i know he's somewhere out there. I could care less about that.

For the past month, i haven't seen Hashirou at all. I told him i'd be out of the city with my step-mother, then i changed my cell number so he won't be able to reach me. It hurts to do that, but i'm afraid if i see him, Kouji will show up from no where, and i don't want to know what may happen. It's not that i'm scared of Kouji himself. I just don't want to risk waking that demon that rests within him. A demon that sent nightmares to dwell within me.

_'Kouichi'_

Kouji called. My heart started racing as i looked around hastily. There was no one. I'm hallucinating with his voice. I hear him calling my name sending shivers down my spine every once in a while. He's not even here!

I held my mother's necklace. It somehow had that amazing power to calm me down. My mother, a woman who lost her life in order for me to see the light. For such a sacrifice, do i worth it? Will she be proud of the me right now? The me that is afraid of his own shadow?

Although it seems impossible, Kouji is the one who got the necklace back to me. I know that 'cause he's the one who took it. Besides, he was the only one around, but why? And...how? Didn't he throw it in the river? Maybe not, but am i supposed to let things slide and think he may be nice just 'cause i got the necklace back?

Somebody knocked the door, interrupting my thoughts. I closed the book i was reading, or let's say i was eyeing blankly without recognizing anything other than the title. I placed the book on the shelve of the small library in the room. Nobody used it so i filled it with novels and some other books, but i didn't know all my savings will be spent on it. However, it deserved it. Somehow novels help me keep my sanity. Making me think there's much more to life than what i can see.

I went to check who he was there as the knocking voice got more president, praying with all of my heart it wouldn't be him.

There was a little child carrying an envelope.

The child:"A guy told me to give you this"

That was surely awkward. I asked:"Which guy?"

The child:"That one" He pointed at a far away tree, but nobody was there. I smiled at the little boy and thanked him.

I went to my room and opened the envelope since it had no sender name on it. There was a letter in it. The handwriting looked familiar, so i supposed it'd be someone i know. I started to read it.

_'Hello Kouichi, i hope you are doing well without me. No, you're probably way better without me'_

With the first line of the letter, i could tell who the sender was. No wonder his hand writing was familiar. It was no other that Kouji's. I don't know how, but the letter was shaking before my eyes. Clearly it was my trembling hands fault. I gulped and continued to read.

_'It doesn't matter what i do. I don't deserve forgiveness. I know that very well, but i'm just sorry, and if i had a chance to make up to you. Even a tiny bit. I'll give my life to do it'_

I knitted my eyebrows, not sure of what this message meant

_'I had my own reasons to hate you although i had no right in that. I hurt you, and i can't change that, but i promise you i won't lay my hands on you ever again. You won't be forced to even take a look at me. You probably hate me, and i can never blame you for that._

_I had no right to beat you. I had no right to control your life. I had no right to turn your life into a living hell, but i still did. That can't be erased. I regret each of that so badly. I regret ever laying a hand on you. I regret every tear i made you cry. I regret making you live that way. I regret making you live that kind of pain.'_

My hands kept on trembling, but it wasn't only 'cause of fear anymore. It was 'cause of the urge to cry that i had. I felt the hurt and anger gather all over again. I still continued to read.

_'I'm sending this message because school is starting in two days. I can't go to any other school, and i don't want you to be afraid of me if we met there. I promise i'll not hurt you in any way. Don't worry, we can't be in the same class. True we're the same age, but i skipped a year before, so i'm a grade lower than you. School is big. I'll avoid being around you as much as possible. If you don't want to see my face ever again. Just say it, and i'll leave school and search for another one next year._

_ You're free. I hope you'll stay happy'_

_'Am i supposed to feel safe just 'cause you promised?'_ I wondered as i reached the end of letter.

Promises are made to be broken, or that's what i learned from my father. Despite the words he wrote in the letter, i feel like there's this huge wall preventing me from seeing his intentions. My mind was at a dead end of what to think. I read the letter all over again. Maybe he really meant what he wrote? No, wait,can i really trust him? I didn't want to think about it. I felt dizzy at all the confusion that hit me. I'd let time show me what happens.

I really forgot that school is starting in two days. I didn't even get a school uniform. Not that i had the courage to get out.

_' If i ever knew you went out, i'll assume you went to see him, and that won't turn good'_

I can never forget these words. For the past month, i never went out. Even grocery. I'd call a super market that gave a delivery service. I didn't dare go one step out of the home. I don't know if i must trust_ ' you're free'_ line that he wrote.

What if i go out and find him there? I can swear i feel his existence around once in a while. A part of my heart told me to give it a try. Maybe i should believe him, but wait. Believe him? How can i believe someone who only gave me pain and nothing more? How can i believe someone who threatened me, beat me, and violently hurt me? That anger on his face when i last tried to run. Can it really turn to guilt? Can it turn to sorry? Can it turn to... a human? I felt fear taking over every corner of my heart when i thought of the look in his eyes that day. Why did he lose the tiny bit of his mind that was left in him when Hashirou appeared?

Hashirou? I'm not sure if this is about him, but when he first saw him, that shocked expression on his face, i could swear i saw fear and pain in it, and something else i couldn't tell what it was. A glance at his... Human side? Yes, it was a human side. I ignored it. I didn't care. Then why am i thinking of that now?

Another knocking voice interrupted my thoughts again.

I went to open wondering who'd be there. I felt my feet go weak at the person i saw.

End of Kouichi's P.O.V

* * *

"Ah, so you came! I knew you'd come since school is only after tomorrow. I decided to come check since i couldn't reach your number"

Kouichi nodded saying:" Ah, a little accident happened to my cell"

"Okay, but are you sick? Why do you look so pale?" Hashirou asked

"I'm fine. Look, i..i'll meet you in school okay? It..it's not the right time" He stuttered trying to make an excuse. Lying wasn't his speciality.

"Not the right time? Kouichi, what's wrong?"

"I..i have to go" He was about to close the door when Hashirou pulled him out saying:" I won't take much of your precious time. Let's go get our school uniforms. Trust me, it'll be quick"

"W..wait!" Kouichi yanked his arm out of Hashirou's grasp and rushed back home closing the door. He leaned on the door behind him for a while then felt a movement not too far from where he stood.

"If you want to get rid of me, you shouldn't have left the window open" Hashirou smirked.

"What are you? Why are you getting in through the window?"

"Seriously Kouichi, what's wrong with you?"

"N..nothing" Kouichi looked away.

Hashirou decided to let it pass for now and changed what they were talking about:"You don't need to take your money. I have enough. Pay me back later" He dragged Kouichi out once again. He knew that soon or later. Kouichi will tell him the truth. They were best friends after all.

The two friends went to buy the uniforms. Hashirou noticed that Kouichi kept watching around for something, obviously nervous.

They got out of a store

"I'll go back home" Kouichi stated.

"Do you really not realize what you just did?" Hashirou asked.

"Did what?"

"Your school uniform. It's not your size"

"Eh?!"Kouichi got the uniform out of the bag to check the size then said:"It is my size!"

"Yes, it is, but how can you suspect that it's not your size just 'cause i say it? Didn't you pick it on your own? Kouichi, you are so not normal. Disappearing for a month, then not telling me you got back, and now you can't focus on anything as if a ghost was chasing you"

Kouichi stood silent. He didn't know what to say to his best friend. It took him a while to finally find something to say:"Umm... If someone apologized to you, and he doesn't seem like the type who feels sorry. Shall i believe him?"

Hashirou wondered why such a topic will pop up at such a time but answered anyways:"We can't really get into people's mind, but i believe everyone deserves another chance"

Kouichi thought for a while then said:" Okay, i trust you, so... i'll spend the rest of the day with you and see what happens. I missed you"

Hashirou:"Wait. What does that have to do with this? You are giving 'me' another chance? But i never did anything to be sorry for!"

Kouichi laughed trying to ignore whatever may happen:"Who knows. You said it yourself. We can't get into people's minds"


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **Asarikou-chan, Nene-san. Thank you for the support ^.^

**Disclaimer: **I do NOT own any of Digimon characters.

* * *

It was the end of the first day of school. All students felt it was such a long day although they didn't study anything but few introductions. Probably because none of them was used to sit still in class for a long time after a long vacation.

Kouji stood at the window, watching the students leave from the school gates. For his bad luck, his homeroom teacher is super strict. Kouji was the only one coming late for the class, and he was punished to clean the class all by himself on his very first day!

He sighed and went towards the wide board. It seemed the best thing to start with. Just as he was busy cleaning the board, he heard tables being removed behind him. He turned around to see who was there. He totally froze. The deep tender eyes that were gazing at him didn't allow him to move. Just like before, they tamed his every being.

"Hi, you must be taking it tough here on your first day" Hashirou smiled

Kouji just broke their eye contact as he realized that gaze will leave no air for him to breath. As if he was being sucked within it. Although they were mere looks. They did perfect job to steal his breaths. Those eyes, just how much they resembled that man!

Hashirou took the mop and started cleaning

"W..what are you doing?" Kouji asked.

"Obviously, helping my best friend's brother"

"Don't" That was all what Kouji could think of to say while trying his best to avoid looking at Hashirou.

"But i want to. I have nothing to do anyways. Kouichi went to the library. Come on, we're done of school. Why'd he go read?"

Kouji could say no objection. In such a situation, he'd reject the help offered to him cruelly, or pick out a fight just to push him away. But Hashirou's gaze could chase all that away, making Kouji helpless at what to say or do.

Not himself was the state Kouji was at. How far the presence of Hashirou affected him, he couldn't find a way to explain that, nor he could tell what was the feeling he had although it was such a familiar feeling. Too familiar, but all these years ,he couldn't recognize it.

A rag found it's way to hang in the air right in front of Kouji's eyes, making him put a hold on the confusion that was strangling him. He held the rag to take it away from his sight, which wasn't a bright idea. That allowed him to stare directly at the eyes of the one who was holding the rag up in the air, Hashirou.

"Why did you stop? Use the rag to clean the windows " Hashirou said, then he elbowed Kouji in a joking manner to break off the strange awkwardness he felt.

Kouji walked to the window without making any sort of response. He was too busy trying to push away all the feelings the overwhelmed him.

Hashirou shook off his shoulders and continued sweeping the floor.

In a while...

"That window is sparkling already. Are you going to make me do all the wor..." Hashirou started but stopped when he saw how Kouji flinched when he started to talk. Instead he walked towards Kouji and placed his hand on his shoulder. Kouji backed away pulling a sharp breath, making Hashirou more confused.

"Oi.. Are you alright?" Hashirou asked.

Kouji squeezed his eyes shut when he heard the question. It seemed as if his question made his breathing even more rapid. A single more second for him in that class was no option for him. He just walked out hurriedly.

"Oi! Kouji! Where are you going?! "

None of Hashirou's calls ware responded to. As if they were never heard.

_' Looks like i'll have to do all the work here. It's not even my punishment !'_ Hashirou sighed. He could leave without doing anything, but that'd get Kouji in trouble. To anyone, Kouji deserved it. He left afterall, but Hashirou could tell something was off, so he decided to let it slide and just finish cleaning.

* * *

A library was a place that was very quite. A heaven for people who loved to read. Everyone there is sinking in the world of the book they chose to read. Well, some people there were students scratching their heads, cursing whoever asked them to do an assignment on their very first day, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible. It'd be the same for Kouichi if he was studying, but he was there to do some thing he loves. To read a novel.

A voice of a falling book distracted him. He looked at the source of voice and saw a girl having a hard time to reach a book on an upper shelf that is beyond her reach, so he got up and stood behind her, got the book and handed it to her. He blushed at how close he was to her when she faced him. She blushed deeper shade of red.

"Thank you" she thanked him shyly , not daring to look up.

"You're welcome" He replayed smiling , then he went to his seat to complete reading from where he stopped. He only managed to read a line before he felt someone's gaze on him, but he just ignored it.

Kouichi wasn't as anxious as before. He walked around with Hashirou like three or four times, and nothing happened. He even met Kouji at lunch time, but Kouji didn't seem angry. It was more like guilt look on his face. Maybe he meant what he wrote. That's what Kouichi thought.

Feeling uncomfortable with the constant staring at him from a guy on the corner. Kouichi decided to delay reading to some other time and just leave. Besides, it was getting late. Awkwardly enough, the guy got up and followed him. Kouichi thought he was just imagining it and kept on walking, but he was still being followed, so he stopped and faced the guy asking:

"Why are you following me?"

"Well, you did something you shouldn't do" The guy answered.

"What do you mean?"

"Tell him what i mean guys" Two guys showed up from no where and pulled Kouichi into an alley next to them. They started to beat him.

kouichi fought back. He managed to defend himself against the two guys, but the third one sent him to floor using his kick and said:"I'll teach you not to flirt with other people's girls"

Kouichi came to remember the only girl he got in contact with a while ago. He was just helping her! But that didn't seem to be what the guy in front of him thought of.

He looked up and saw the guys getting hit badly. It only took few seconds for them to scatter.

Kouichi made no movement what so ever while watching the scene. It was as if he was taken back in time. The past was playing in front of his eyes at that moment.

It was so much like the time when he was a child.

Bullied by three boys, then this person interferes and send them scattered in few moments.

Then the way hero looked at him...

It's the same way Kouji is looking at him right now. The same look!

"K..Kouji?" Kouichi uttered.

Kouji couldn't stand that look on Kouichi's face. He couldn't tell if Kouichi was shocked or scared. He too, felt how cruel reality is. For him to be placed in the same situation as before. With the only difference that they can't go chase a butterfly and laugh happily. They couldn't possibly be friends.

He said as if demanding:"I told you to keep smiling!" He looked away while saying that. A smile would be way better than the unreadable expression Kouichi had. That's what Kouji thought, not realizing that with that words in exact, he was making a perfect image of the past repeating itself. He turned to leave.

"Hero..!" Kouichi shouted, not really sure why he did that, but his heart kept ramming that this Kouji was the same 'hero' from before.

Kouji stopped on his tracks. He turned back to face Kouichi.

Looking at the expression Kouji had, Kouchi asked"Is it... really you?"

"You... remember me?" Kouji whispered

Kouichi's expression got softened:"I always wished to meet you again.. " He paused for a moment remembering all the hurt he went through. Kouji didn't utter a word waiting for Kouichi to continue, having a slight hope that 'wanting to meet him' was still available.  
"How... how did things turn out this way?" A shaken voice escaped Kouichi's lips. Hurt was so obvious in his voice and pained expression.

Kouji felt himself feeling the sensation of knifes piercing through his heart all over again. What was a memory would stay a memory. Reality was a different thing. That's a fact he made with his own hands, and the re-action Kouichi had only made it more confirmed.

he uttered:"I'm sorry, i ruined everything for you" And he left.

Kouichi felt his chest heavy. He didn't know what exactly he was feeling.

* * *

Kouji's P.O.V

I'm back home. With Kouichi. I still think it's strange, but he met me in school and asked me to come back home. He said my adoption mother will come tomorrow, and he doesn't want her to worry about me. I didn't make any excuses. I know it's selfish, but i really wanted to be around him more. I left the man i was staying over with. I helped him in his restaurant in exchange of giving me a room. I wasn't paid for the job. I didn't plan any of that.

The day i left i was just wandering around without having any idea where to stay. I saw a poster that the owner of a restaurant is looking for part-time workers, so i took the chance. I still work there though. At least 'till the owner finds a new worker.

Kouichi seems less frightened of me, which is a huge relief to me.

Somehow, i'm being... me. The me i lost long ago. Not my attitude. It's my heart. This pure, comfort feeling. I wonder how he could make me regain it. Even after all these years.

I sometimes think i might be imagining it, but he's talking around me more. As if trying to break the awkwardness. My silence isn't making it any easier. The simple manner of responding to a conversation in a friendly way feels so hard. I answer him shortly, afraid i may hurt him in any way. Despite that, deep down, i know i'm overwhelmed with joy. I know he's breaking all the walls around me so easily as if he was breaking an egg shell.

We still don't use the same room. I believe he still needs his space, and he has all the right to get it.

He's way stronger than me. To be able to treat me this way is something i'd never be able to do if i was in his place. He even told me he'll try to think of me as the one he knew before. Not the evil step-brother he had the last two months. His pure smile reassures me that everything may actually be fine, which makes me realize more how a terrible person i am to try to take that smile away from him. To hurt him that way. Whenever i remember all the hurt faces he had before, my stomach flinch. I even tried to take his friendship with Hashirou away from him. How could i try to break such an innocent ,caring and loving person? I'll never forgive myself.

I heard Hashirou and Kouichi laughing at the door. I guess Hashirou is leaving. He came here to study with Kouichi, but i didn't stay with them. First, we're not in the same grade. Secondly, i just can't take it, the feeling that chokes me when i see Hashirou. I was trying to separate him from Kouichi just to avoid seeing him, taking such a caring friend away from him. Just what extent of selfishness did i reach?

"You think it's strange ,right?" He startled me. When did he get in?

"What?" I asked after i took a breath.

"That Hashirou is here to study. It's only the first week. Nobody studies, right? You can call it a habit. We take a look at the size of books and agree on a schecule to study. Too nerdy ,right?" Kouichi asked smiling.

"I don't know. Maybe it's... fun?" I'm not sure what to answer him. A split second from when i said so. It came to my mind that no way that was fun. How did i say that?

"Anyhow, i came to ask if you have an extra pen, do you?"

"Over the night stand" I answered shortly

"Great! You are a saviour!" Kouichi took the pen and ran out as if he just got a prize.

To my shock, i'm actually... smiling? His attitude is funny.

I walked to the living room to get my cell-phone that was ringing, the place they were studying at . I saw lots of cans and chips all over the place. I started to wonder if they were studying or partying. I was about to grasp my cell phone when i noticed a strange item among the mess. I ignored the the rings that were demanding to be answered. It was surely my adoption mother. No one else knows my number. I just felt the item in front of me, which was a note book, was more important. I held it and read the name on it. The name that was written to mark its owner. It did more than that. It gave me a minor heart attack!

_**'Meguri Hashirou'**_

_Who are you?!_

"See you later!" The good bye voice brought me back from my trance. I hastily ran to the door, scared, terrified, yet needy. The question that stroke me hard had to get an answer!

I passed by Kouichi and managed to grasp Hashirou's wrist before he could step out of the door. He turned around, startled. Not that i cared. I held his shoulders and asked while shaking him, it's not like my whole body wasn't shaking either! I was so afraid of the answer, but i had to ask.

"Yo..your father, did anything happen to him?"

"My father..?" That wasn't the time for him to be startled !

"Answer me!" I shouted. Every ounce of my body ready to collapse any moment.

"He passed away. In a business trip. It was a heart attack"

I was deaf at whatever he said after 'passed away' word.

My hands fell to my sides. Everything has just stopped. I walked stumbling back to my room while leaning on the wall to help me stand.

I didn't bother closing the door. I fell to my knees grasping my hair wisps so tight as if that'll stop the memories, the nightmares that started to play in my mind, but there was no way for that to happen. Those nightmares, were back to live again. They never died, but they're eating me now.

* * *

Kouichi's P.O.V

I watched the scene in front of me, obviously having no clue what on earth is going on. Exactly as Hashirou who seemed so shocked and didn't utter a word after Kouji let go of him.

"You go, i'll go check up on him" I told Hashirou

Hashirou:"Do you want me to come?"

"No, go home. I'll tell you if anything happens" I didn't want him to come. I just felt that Hashirou has something to do with what's going on. Not that he did anything wrong.

"Okay, see you tomorrow"

I rushed to Kouji's room, not waiting for Hashirou to leave. While i was making my way upstairs, i heard 'click' voice, so i knew Hashirou left, closing the door behind him.

"Kouji!" I rushed to his side, shocked at the state he was in. He wasn't wearing his bandana. His long hair wisps covered a big part of his face. A bunch of his hair was within his grasp as if pain was giving more and more strength to that grip, but that wasn't all. He was trembling badly. He seemed as if he was choking, not really able to pull a proper breath. I perched on my knees and touched his shoulder. He flinched at my touch. I pulled my hand back, and instead i lowered my head to be able to look at him in the eye. All i could see was pure frightening in what i could see of his face's expressions.

"Kouji,what's wrong?" My voice cracked. I didn't realize i was _'that'_ shaken by his state. I've never seen him this broken before.

He didn't response. As if he was lost anywhere other than here.

"What happened? Kouji? What is it?" My voice was more softened than ever, but still so worried.

"Go away.." He said it so low that i wasn't sure if i heard him right. I ignored it and asked:"Are you feeling pain? Should i call an ambulance?" My words felt so wrong. This didn't seem like a pain medical sciences can fix.

"Go Away!" He shouted making my heart stop for a moment. When he shouted like that, i used to get so scared that my heart would jump out of my rib cage any moment, but something in his voice made me want to hug him instead. I could feel... pain in it.

"Tell me, what's wrong?" I pleaded.

"GO!" He shouted once more making me jump again, but that didn't change anything

"Why are you telling me to leave? I can't when you are hurt!"

He finally left his gaze to look at my eyes. I could sort out no emotion what so ever in his eyes. He let out a small laugh. I could feel that laugh break something within me, then he searched for something in his pocket. I knew what it was. The pocket knife he always carried with him. He looked back at me. He moved forward. I fell to my back crawling back. Now seriously, i was starting to get scared. I collided to the wall behind and pulled myself up into a sitting position. My gaze was fixed on the blade of that knife. He got closer to me.

"You ask why? It's simple, because if you stay here, it's either i'll hurt you.." He pressed the knife on my neck. I closed my eyes, tears on corner of my eye, shivers all over my body.

" Or i _'kill'_ you." My eyes were snapped open from what i've heard. I was ready to have a panic attack any moment, but i didn't. Even my horror was thrown away as i saw the loneliness and despair in that tear that slid down his cheek.

"Then kill me." i said in determine although i was scared of what may happen, but i felt like i must believe in that human within him. The pure Kouji i once knew.

He didn't move.

"Kill me!" I yelled. I didn't know my voice could come out that strong. He waved the knife fastly towards me. I closed my eyes waiting for the blade to sink deep within me, but it never did. I opened my eyes. The blade was only few millimetres afar from my eye. It fell from his grasp, and he fell on floor, clearly crying. It's the first time. The first i ever see him cry. I got closer and hugged him within my arms. I was surprised at how much he was trembling in my arms, so i held on to him tighter.

"No, leave me. I'll hurt you" He mumbled between his sobs.

"You won't Kouji. You just saved me. You won't"

He hugged me back much tighter, as if he was going to die if he loosened his grip. I felt him crashing my bones, but i didn't make any effort to try to push him away. Only now i can feel a small amount of his suffering, and even that tiny amount felt so unbearable. I looked up at the ceiling, allowing the tears that were stuck for too long in my eyes to roll down. His trembling seemed to be lessened, but we never loosened grasp on each other.

In a while, his sobs were silenced. His grasp on me loosened, and i felt him become heavier. My heart sank. Something was definitely wrong.

I pushed him a bit in order to be able to see if he was fine, but his hair wisps were glued to his wet cheeks. His eyes were closed. I started shaking his lifeless body in worry.

"Kouji! Kouji! Wake up! What's wrong?" But my voice went into thin air. He didn't seem to wake.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** "I do NOT own any of Digimon characters"

* * *

"How was the work?" Kouichi asked his step-mother,smiling at her lightly while handing a glass of water to her.

"It was good. How were you and Kouji doing?" She answered, smiling back at him.

"We're fine"

"Good. Where is he?"

"He's still sleeping"

"Aren't you two supposed to be in the school?"

"Well, yeah but I thought skipping one day will not harm. I wanted to be here when you arrive"

She smiled warmly at him "o~h how sweet of you! How about Kouji? He's not that nice you know. Why is he absent?"

"He's... a bit tired" He tried to hide his worry although hiding feelings wasn't his strong point.

"Oh, is he sick?"

"Not really."

She arose from her seat and walked up the stairs that led to Kouji's room in order to check up on him. She opened the door and saw him sleeping. She got in and just stood beside him, looking at his sleeping face. She was about to remove the hair wisps that seemed to lay on his eye, but she retrieved her hand, knowing that such a movement will wake him right away. He is a really light sleeper. Kouichi watched from the side of the door. If it wasn't just his imagination, there was a lot of unspoken words trying to find their way through the mother's lips. However, she turned around and smiled at him. He smiled back, nervously. After all, he didn't mean to watch what she's doing. Her smile reassured him that she didn't mind.

"Have some rest" Kouichi said after his new mother left Kouji's room.

"Kouichi, I can have rest later. I'm not that tired. Tell me, did something happen? You look tired"

"Not really." He scratched the back of his head.

"Really?"

"I just didn't get much sleep. You must be tired from your trip. Get some rest"

"Kouichi, look at me. Something happened, right? You seem restless, and Kouji..."

"What about Kouji?"

She was taken aback by the way he interrupted. Kouichi was never the type to interrupt, but what truly pulled her attention was the worry in his voice.

"See? Something did happen. Sit down and tell me" She patted besides her on the sofa as she sat down. He could only do as she told and prepare himself to talk. There was a lot of questions in his mind that needed to be answered. Recalling the last night events, he didn't know where to start from.

* * *

_*Flash back*_

_' God! He's sweating badly ! ' Kouichi thought as he started unbuttoning the school's white shirt that the unconscious Kouji was wearing. He froze at the sight of a deep scar right below Kouji's collar bone. Other strange scars were marking all the skin in his sight. He snapped out of it. That wasn't the time to worry about why there was such scars marking Kouji's chest._

_Help. He needed to get help! He carried Kouji to the bed, then dug out his cell to call an ambulance. He cursed under his breath when he found out there was no signal at all! He failed to notice how hard it was raining out there._

_He ran out the house as he remembered there was a Doctor two blocks away from his place, or let's say he heard there was one. The rain drops gave him chills despite how warm they were against his skin, or maybe that feeling was his imagination's creation since he felt chills all over his heart for a while now. He was scared of all that's happening. Afraid... No, he was so worried to the extents he felt his legs were shaking. He could care less about that. He had to reach that house that'd provide him help._

_The moment he reached at the door of the only house that seemed to be in that area, he started banging on the door, loud and fast, so anyone'll pop out in an instant. He didn't even bother to catch his breathes._

_The door was opened, exposing an angry face of a woman that was replaced by a wondering expression at the sight of Kouichi._

_"You... " She uttered, recognizing him, wondering why in the world he was soaking wet with no umbrella in hand. It seemed as if she totally forgot how hard the door was being knocked._

_"Dr. Hayama?" He asked. Dark black hair, soft features, she was the woman who helped him before. The one who took him to hospital and gave him her card. Doctor. Hayama. He recognized her as well, but that wasn't the time for greetings._

_"Yes"_

_He bowed right away blurting out: "Please come with me! My brother collapsed!"_

_Alarmed, she took her coat, a bag that contained equipments she may need, and a pair of umbrellas. She walked out with him ,handing him one of the umbrellas in hand._

_There wasn't anything to say along the way. They were both in rush,trying to reach the house as soon as possible. Kouichi was trying to reassure himself that things will be fine. To be so wrecked up like that, when did he get so connected to Kouji like this? Reaching the house, he led her upstairs. He watched as she started giving Kouji a check up as soon as she got in. He listened to the sound of the thunder along with the rain that was getting harder, announcing that the weather was getting worse. He could even hear the sound of his heart beats. All the voices felt like a really bad background music as he waited for her to tell him if he was fine._

_The woman with a dark black hair gave him a warm smile. One of the smiles she give her patients all the time whether things were good or terribly bad. She nodded at him to talk outside. Kouichi got the hint and took a step towards the door. He stopped walking as he noticed the slight movement that came from the figure laying on the bed. He walked towards Kouji who was opening his eyes._

_'NO... no.. ' a shallow whisper escaped the lips of the guy that seemed to be anywhere other than this world. Kouji started adjusting himself into a ball-like position._  
_Right in that moment, Kouji seemed like a little child. A little child that was so terrified and curled up around himself, hugging his knees as if staying alive depended on it._

_Kouichi got closer in an attempt to calm him, but reached Kouji first_

_'NO! It hurts! Not the cigarette! ' Kouji cried out loud, to both of the Doctor and Kouichi's shock. Kouji hurriedly crawled to the corner of bed, eyes wide, taking sharp breaths as if something was threatening him to take the air away from him if he didn't breath that way._

_Kouichi reached him and embraced him despite all the confusion. He__ kept on whispering: "It's okay. It's okay. You're fine" He didn't realize he was soothing him as if he was soothing a little child._

_The Doctor sat besides them. Kouji seemed to get more scared as the Doctor got closer. Something snapped within her mind. She left the room right away. In a while, Kouji seemed to calm, or at least breath normally. He broke the tight embrace and looked at the worried eyes of Kouichi that were looking back at him. As if he was recognizing his surroundings._

_"Kouichi...?!"_

_"How are you feeling?"_

_"I'm.. okay"_

_Kouichi smiled. A bit of relief washed over him. At the very least, Kouji was talking with him. For a moment, he thought he lost him to some sort of magical powers._

_"Get some sleep" Kouchi said as he helped Kouji lay back to bed. Kouji's head was throbbing with pain and dizziness, so he welcomed the pillow with no objection what so ever._

_'You're safe' _

_Hearing these words, Kouji drifted into a deep sleep. Kouichi said the words 'cause he always wanted someone to say them to him whenever he got scared before. Ironically, he desperately wanted to hear them when he used to be scared of Kouji, but he wanted to hear them countless times before becoming a brother of Kouji. In his childhood. At that house by himself. That loneliness he felt. In a way or another ,he could see it in Kouji. with the only difference that it was even worse._

_Kouichi walked out of the room,meeting who was waiting at stairs. He sat besides her._

_"Has he calmed down?" She asked_

_"Yes, he's sleeping. I'm sorry i made you wait"_

_"It's okay"_

_"What's wrong with him?"_

_" Before i answer, let me ask you, did something happen to him in the past? A bad experience?"_

_"I don't know about his past. We became step-brothers like three months ago."_

_"I see, is he acting any strange lately?"_

_"I'm not sure. We were afar for a while, but he's being jumpy. I guess that's all I know"_

_"Okay. Before this happens, what was the last thing he did, people he was around, what was the last thing around him before all of this begin?"_

_Kouichi recalled his memory and said: "I'm not sure either, but there's someone he always act nervous around. I don't know why though" He meant Hashirou, but he had no idea where all these questions lead to._

_She gave him a serious saddened look as she talked: "Kouichi, your brother is suffering from a trauma. And i'm guessing it started since his childhood. Something is triggering it back. The only explanation to the level of his trauma is that it wasn't healed when he had it as a child. He kept blocking it,and it's getting back to the surface"_

_"What is that supposed to mean?"_

_"I'll try to explain. An emotional trauma can happen because of a terrible accident, a discovery of a life threatening illness, experiencing a close to death experience or anything similar to that._

_Anything that reminds one of the traumatic situation then appears as a potential threat or source of pain - appears as a re-traumatization and thus triggers the act of armoring, withdrawal, rigidity, contraction, defensiveness, aggressiveness, resentment, grief, and so forth. Further armoring can manifest as habitual anger, increased aggressive behavior, and even violence in the person's attempt to discharge/release the stored residues of the original trauma._

_In many cases of trauma, there exists guilt. Here the "victim" of trauma in order to avoid dissociation and disorganization comes into an acceptance of their situation by viewing it as just punishment for past sins. That they somehow deserved the punishment, or brought the event on upon themselves. In order to gain control or order out of the situation some people will repeatedly punish or victimize themselves or else act in a masochistic fashion in order to stabilize and get a sense of security._

_However, I'm guessing his trauma belongs to childhood because of the scars. You saw them,right?"_

_Kouichi tried to contain all the informations, but failed miserably when he heard the 'scars' word. The sight of them was revived to his memory right away._

_"Yes, I saw them"_

_"There was small burn scars. They are not recent. I reek out of cigarette smell thanks to my husband. He was afraid when i got closer to him. He also mentioned cigarettes. Maybe he was abused" She looked away. _

_Kouichi looked at her, eyes wide. His mind wasn't able to function properly anymore. All that scars, from an abuse? _

_'Who, who could do such a thing?!' He questioned himself._

_"How about his passing out? Is it possible to happen again?"_

_"Not really. Well, passing out is not symptom of trauma. People who has trauma often feel faint ,but not to the extent of passing out. He has dark circles under his eyes. I think he wasn't sleeping much and suffered a trauma, that's too much on his nerves."_

_"Then what to do?"_

_"Well, it heals with time. To how much care I see in you, you'll be able to help him. Make him feel secured, that he's not alone. If it's getting worse even after a week, I'm afraid you'll need to take him to a Therapies."_

_*End of flash back*_

* * *

"It's okay. Tell me" The step mother smiled at Kouichi while patting on his shoulder gently. She just felt he was so confused and wanted him to relax a bit, which was a success. Kouichi couldn't help but feel a bit relieved whenever she smiled at him.

"Anoo..."

He didn't know from where to start. Plus, the headache he had from waking all night didn't make it any easier to think of what he wanted to say.

"I'm listening" his step-mother said

"May I ask you something before i tell you?"

"Sure"

"You said Kouji wasn't this way before. Do you know what changed him so much?"

His step mother looked away. A frown appeared on her features. Obviously the question touched an achy spot within her, which made Kouichi jump into the conclusion that she does have the answer to his question.

"Nothing really. It's just... I wasn't there enough for him, and I think he was lonely"

Kouichi thought there's more to it, so he waited for her to complete. Instead, she changed the topic.

"So, what happened? "

_'No, that isn't all it had to it' _Kouichi thought in denial.

"Do you think i'll ask if it seemed that this was all?" Kouichi was losing his nerves. He was never the one to talk rudely or rise his voice on his elders, but the events of the day before shook him deeply.

She got more nervous, but still said nothing.

Kouichi got back to his calm self and said in a pleading manner:"Please, I know you know something. I have to know what happened to him"

"Why are you asking all of sudden?"

He held her hand and said: "I'm his brother now. He's hurting, and it hurts me to see him hurting. I want to help him. I have to know the truth"

She observed the determined,yet worried gaze he gave her. Something must have been happening to Kouji. She could tell from the way he was sleeping so restlessly. His nightmares were getting worse. That was the only explanation to how Kouichi was worried now. She always knew Kouji was hurting. Hearing that from Kouichi only added more weight to her weary heart, but she couldn't do anything to help Kouji since he always pushed her way. Deep down,she believed it's her fault.

She decided to talk. Maybe if she couldn't be at Kouji's side, Kouichi may be able to do that. Sadness filled her eyes as she started to talk.

"I needed a huge amount of money to save my father's company. There was no one who'd lend that much of money except for loan sharks. I didn't care for the rumors about the ways they get their money back with. I was sure that after the company have it's strength back, i'd be able to pay the dept. Despite the fact that i got the money, the company went bankrupt anyways, and i realized it'd be a lifetime dept"

"Few years later, I adopted Kouji. I thought having a child around me will really cheer me up. At that time, I had a huge project that'd give lots of money. My major was engineering after all. I already paid half of the dept, so i thought adopting child will be okay, and i'd be able to take care of him."

She smiled bitterly as she continued:" Kouji was a really sweet child. He never asked for anything not to be a burden on me. He always had the most wonderful smile that always bashed all my worries and exhaustion away. He used to jump out of happiness just by getting small things such as icecream or cake. He loved ice cream so much. He loved it colored too. It was his favourite when it had many flavours. How happy he was by everything he could get made me realize that it must have been though in an orphanage. "

Her expression changed to a more stressed one:"However, I didn't expect the loan sharks to ask for the rest of the money in two weeks period. There was no way I'd get that much of money in such a time. It took me a year to get what i paid"

Her voice started to tremble

"They asked for it in such a short time, so I won't be able to pay it and they'll lay their hands on Kouji. They took him from me"

Kouichi in disbelieve:"You mean... kidnapped him?"

"Yes. "

"What did they do to him?"

She started crying, but still talked "I don't know. They kept him for three months. Three painfull months. I can tell they were much more painfull to him. The day I got him back, he was covered in all sorts of bruises and cuts. I'm sure some of them left scars on his body now. He always wear a well covering cloth even in hot summer days not to show any of the scars. Guilt washed over me. It was all my fault.

_Only if i left him in that orphanage, none of that would've happened_.

He had to skip a year of the school. He was in no condition to allow him to play around with other children. I'd always see him suffer,cry and scream at night, but i was too coward to comfort him. I tried to wash my guilt away by distracting myself by work. Even when i was at home, I'd lock myself in my room 'cause seeing him only reminded me what terrible things I caused him to go through, but I was only making things harder on him. I'm such a horrible person"

He pressed on her hand more as to cheer her to talk more and asked: "So you don't know what they exactly did to him?"

"No, I was too scared to ask, and when I had courage to do so, he already lost his trust in me. It was too late"

"I see..."

She tried to hold back her tears and got up to leave to her room. Kouichi stayed dazed for a moment then ran after her before she got into her room.

He hugged her tight, burying his face in her back. He whispered: "He'll be fine, Okaa-san" It was the first time he called her a mother.

* * *

**A/N: **

The informations of emotional trauma belonged to a side notes i took for an assignment. The resources were handed with the assignment to the lecturer, so i don't have the resources now. I only have my notes.

**Asarikou-chan :**  
Well, i guess Kouji did sleep after all :p  
Yup, Hashirou is really really good guy :D  
Thanks for always reviewing

**nene-san :**  
Yattaa! Glad it made you excited!  
Review is appreciated dear :3

**Moonsmile-chan :**  
Hmm.. I'm truly a big rush. Thanks for pointing that out :D  
I'll try to take it easily. I'm happy you like it so far. Thank youuuu for reviewing ! :3

**reminiscent-afterthought :**  
Hehe, I'm sort of curious, what kind of people would snap back at you for helping them?  
Thank you so much. I'll try to follow  
I appreciate that you took time to write such a helpful review :3

I read your review three times, trying to get every detail. I hope i did.

Thank you again :D


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** I do NOT own any of Digimon characters.

* * *

Kouichi's P.O.V

I opened my eyes, hearing the voice of the knocks on the door that was soon opened.

"Are you awake yet?" Mother asked as she got in. She smiled gently as she saw me getting up.

I rubbed my eyes in an attempt to fully open them. As I was doing that, I heard her try to wake Kouji, who only mumbled something I couldn't hear as a replay to her.

"It's school time. Breakfast is ready. Get up and wash your face before it gets cold." She instructed.

I looked at them, wondering if Kouji will ever get up. He spent the whole day sleeping yesterday , or pretending to be asleep. I let him have his way. I thought he needed some time alone, so I barely said anything to him.

He got up, a fur on his face. The way I see it, he didn't seem sleepy at all. As if he was awake long time ago.

"I'm not going to school" He said in a somewhat stern voice, gazing at space.

"What are you saying? Get up now" That's what I predicted to be said by mother according to their constant arguing, but she did the exact opposite. She left him, and turned at me. Perhaps she didn't want to force him after what she heard yesterday. I told her everything after she had calmed.

"Kouichi, you'll be late" She said in a low voice.

I got up and made my way downstairs, wondering if it's okay to go to school and leave Kouji alone throughout the school hours time. Not that my existence will change anything, but I can't help but want to be by his side. I don't want him to feel that he's alone. 'Cause he's not.

* * *

"I'm home!" I said in a loud voice, opening the door and throwing my school bag on the bed. It's the second time I announce being home. I mean, I announced that when I was downstairs,but I wanted Kouji to hear it. I soon regretted that as I saw him startled. My sight followed the item that was sent rolling on floor.

I picked it up. It was one of the small wooden pieces he always engrave.

"I'm sorry for startling you" I apologized as I handed it back to him.

He took it, saying: "You're too loud"

I frowned. Not at his words,but at the look he gave me. It was as if sadness was controlling every bit of his soul.

The air got tense all of sudden. I had to break the tension.

"Wings, why do you always engrave wings?" I asked as I glanced at the piece of wood in his hands.

He looked away, not uttering a word.

That's when I realized that my try to break the tension only made it worse. I made my way to my bed and collapsed on it.

"To fly away. I want to break free"

I got up in an instance when I heard his barely audible voice.

"Break free? From what?" I asked, hoping dearly to get an answer. I wanted to know what's bothering him. I wanted to know what's happened to him. Maybe then I'd understand him.

Much to my disappointment, he got back to finish what he started by his pocket knife, announcing the end of conversation. Although he looked even more troubled than few moments ago, he still said nothing.

"I'll help you break free" I muttered, but I was sure he heard me.

Silence moments followed after, so I decided to get done with my homeworks.

"Lunch time" I heard mother say from behind the door.

"We'll come" I answered.

I heard tapping voice so I knew she left.

I looked back at Kouji. He seemed in a really deep thought to the extent that I wished to be able to read people's minds although I wasn't interested in that kind of powers.

To how far he seemed off this world, I was sure he didn't pay attention to the little talk between me and mother a moment ago.

"Kouji" I called, loud enough for him to hear.

He still didn't leave his trance.

"Kouji?" No use, so I got up and touched his shoulder.

He jumped at my touch. I sighed, knowing that his 'Always on guard' state was another symptom of his trauma. I did some more research about that in library today, but I still can't grasp his thoughts. After all, the after trauma behavior change depending on personality. Let alone that I have no idea what caused him to be in this condition.

"I'm sorry. You seemed zoning out" I told him as I squeezed his shoulder lightly in a reassuring way.

"I see" That was all he said.

"The lunch is ready. Let's go" I smiled at him.

"You go ahead" He replayed, somehow ignoring me.

"No, you'll go with me!"

I held his wrist, dragged him down the stairs, and forced him to sit.

He didn't utter a word. I was glad. At least he didn't object. He barely ate anything yesterday and probably nothing today.

Me and mother tried to involve him in our little talk, but he either replayed shortly, or ignored us, making our tries fly away with wind.

End of Kouichi's P.O.V

* * *

"You're as good as ever" Kouichi complimented, smiling.

Hashirou replayed: "Yes, somehow. It's basketball, right?"

"Yes, no one can beat you in that" Kouichi admitted, then added:" Let's go change. Next class is math"

Before the two got to reach changing room, they passed by the football playground

"Isn't that your brother's class?" Hashirou asked

kouichi answered: "Yes, I think so"

"I don't see Kouji. Thinking about it. I didn't see him for like 3 days now. Is he okay?" Hashirou asked, wondering.

"Yes, you know how he is. He's just not in the mood for school" Kouichi answered, trying to block 'He's not doing so well' answer from his mind. Only if Hashirou looked at his friend's face at that moment, he'd tell something was off.

"Then he'll have it rough when he comes. Absence for no reason will not slide with such a bad tempered teacher. He had to clean the class on his very first day of school"

"Hahaha, How come I didn't know that?" Kouichi exclaimed.

"And you call yourself a brother" Hashirou ruffled Kouichi's hair playfully while Kouichi held his friend's hand in protest.

* * *

A guy wearing an unbuttoned black jacket with a v-neck t-shirt, black jeans and a cap covering half of his face while looking at the floor. He was standing at school gate as if waiting for someone. Kouichi saw him from afar wondering who that familiar person is. Getting closer to the gate, he could recognize him.

"Kouji? What are you doing here?" Kouchi asked in confusion.

Kouji was clearly not in the school uniform. Plus, the school day was already over.

Kouji looked at Kouichi and asked bluntly:"Where's Hashirou?"

Kouichi knitted his eye brows answering:"He's discussing something with a teacher. Why do you ask? "

Kouichi thought it was so strange for Kouji to ask about Hashirou while it was so clear that something wasn't right between them. Probably that's why he hanged with Hasirou at Hashirou's place or out, but never brought him home since the day Kouji had that trauma attack.

Kouji answered his question by another one:"Do you think he'll take long?"

"What's wrong?" Kouichi asked. That felt like the right question to him. He couldn't help but feel uneasy about the whole thing.

Kouji looked away as he muttered :"I just... want to talk to him"

Kouichi asked in worry:"Can I come along?"

"Feel free to do anything" He answered unconsciously, not looking back at Kouichi.

"Sorry if I'm late! Ah, Kouji? How have you been?" Hashirou asked with a smile.

Kouji lowered his gaze, his hands made into a fist, trembling slightly as if he was trying to keep his composur.

"All good" Kouji answered, more like mumbled.

Both of the friends looked at each other, frowning.

Hashirou decided to go on with the conversation anyways. He said: "Great, Ah! If you get punished, let me know. I'll help you if I can" Hashirou offered jokingly, but no one gave even a tiny smile.

he asked:"What's going on here?"

Kouji answered after taking a deep breath to gather his strength:" I need to talk to you Hashirou"

According to the tune in Kouji's voice, Hashirou could tell it's not something to talk about in public.

"Let's go to my home" Hashirou said as he walked in front of them. They followed him. The atmosphere was so not right. It was a silent walk 'till they reached the house. It was surely a big one. They got into Hashirou's room.

"I'll go get something for us to drink" Hashirou said as soon as they got in.

Kouji grabbed his wrist to stop him.

"No need to. Let's just talk" Kouji said. All the waiting was feeding terribly on his nerves.

Kouichi could feel nervousness in Kouji's behaviours, if not fear, but he just kept on watching.

Hashirou turned to face him. Kouji never dared to look at Hshirou in the eye, afraid he won't be able to control himself anymore. The seriousness in Kouji's face made him forget the usual manners of asking a guest to sit down. Kouichi just sat on the bed, watching the two facing each other.

" Nine years ago, I met your father" Kouji started, but lost his voice midway. He didn't even reach the half of what he wanted to say.

No one tried to talk, so h found his voice back to continue.

"He was so nice to me. He thought I was lost and did his best to find my mother although he seemed like a busy man" He breathed out,slamming his eyes shut while regaining the memory. He tried his best not to get a panic attack. That wasn't the time for it.

Seeing Kouji taking a long time to talk, Hashirou thought it's okay to talk and light the mood a bit, but he failed at choosing the words.

"You did? Yes, he was surely a nice man. I loved him with all of my heart. I wish if he was here today. He must have died shortly after you met him. His death was 9 years ago" Hashirou said with a saddened smile, making it way harder for Kouji to complete.

"I don't know what I must say to you. No words can change anything. I'll accept anything you do to me" He looked at the ground, guilt taking strength out of his body.

"What are you saying? You haven't done anything" Hashirou interrupted, totally confused.

" I did..." Kouji talked back.

" I don't understand" Confusion seemed clear on Hashirou's face

"Don't! I don't know it, but whatever it is. Don't say it" Kouichi pleaded. Although he knew nothing himself, he felt things will go so wrong.

Kouji looked at his brother. The determine in his eyes shush Kouichi up.

"I can't live this way" Kouji said firmly although fear was residing on all of his being.

Hashirou felt lost at the strange eye connection between the brothers

"What's going on?" Hashirou was somehow out of patience now.

Kouji closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before blurting out:" I was the reason for your father's death"

"What do you mean?"

"He didn't die in the way you think he did. He was murdered. By me" Words felt so painful to come out from Kouji's lips. Even if earth swallowed him in that moment, that wouldn't be enough.

Hashirou said, dump founded:"Hey, this isn't something to joke about. You were what? Like... eight years old?"

The expression Kouji had gave no chance for it to be just a joke. Kouichi stood from where he sat in daze.

"How..?" Hashirou asked in disbelief.

"He took me to his hotel room since he couldn't find my mother, and I.. I shot him"

Hashirou said, denying even more:"How..? Where'd a child get a gun from?"

Kouji didn't want to do what he did next, but it was the only way to convince the guy in front of him. He took off his shirt, showing small burn scars that were left on his skin,along with cuts' scars. It traced his body terribly well.

Hashirou gasped at the sight, eyes wide open. Kouichi just closed his eyes.

Kouji took the silence as a chance to go on talking. He said in a rather shaky tune: "The one who did this to me gave me the gun and aught me how to use it" He put his shirt back on and continued: "I deserve anything you'll do to me"

Hashirou said in disbelieve:"W..why?"

Kouji didn't answer and just looked away, his legs barely held him standing.

Hashirou punched him so hard making him fall to floor and yelled: "Why?!" Tears on corner of his eyes, his face getting red with anger.

Kouichi was speechless at what's happening. He just froze at his spot.

"You said he was nice to you. How could you?! Do you have any idea what we went through after losing him?!" Hashirou yelled while grabbing Kouji from his shirt's collar, shaking him roughly. The memory of his mother crying every night, the sight of the family arguments between his mother and his uncles over the will since his father owned a big fortune, and him being left behind in all of that mess. It all played in his mind.

Kouji said nothing as he received another punch sending him back to floor.

"Stop!" Kouichi shouted as he held Hashirou's arm.

Hashirou yanked his arm out of his grasp and looked at him in the eye,saying: "Why are you defending a murderer?!"

Kouichi opened his mouth to talk, but nothing came out. Not once in his life he saw his friend this angry.

Hashirou moved to hit Kouji again, but Kouichi held him once more. Hashirou looked at his friend, disappointment filled him. He said in a low voice : "Leave..."

Kouichi: "Hashirou..."

"Leave before I do something I'll regret to both of you!" He yelled.

Kouichi helped his brother up and left the place in silence.

* * *

**A/N:**

**nene-san :**  
Yeah, poor Kouji. 'I'm not the one to say though'  
thanks for passing by

**reminiscent-afterthought:**  
You got point in all you said. Thanks for the detailed review :3  
I wasn't trying to expand the chapter. It just somehow ended up that way.  
As for the informations that the Doctor gave Kouichi, I tried to shorten it as much as I could.  
You have no idea what was the size of the notes I had -_-.  
Yes, I'm a university student. First year though.

**Asarikou-chan :**  
I never mentioned that one who took Kouichi to hospital was his mother, but oh well, I suppose it's my bad for leading to that clue.  
Thanks for the review na :D


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **I have no idea how this got to this much of length. If too long, 'it is to me', read on two parts -_-

**Disclaimer:** I do NOT own any of Digimon characters.

* * *

A small child who has blue eyes, and long hair wisps draping all over the side of his face, down to his chin. He was so happy that he was moving in with his new family that day, so he wanted to be ready and putted his best efforts into that hairstyle, childishly doing it on his own. It didn't turn out the way he wanted it to, which made him frown. He was a child afterall. However, it didn't seem messy either, which made him smile instead of the frown he got a moment ago. The fact that his hair is so silky smooth didn't allow it to look bad.

Soon, he found himself falling forward due to a push's effect. It was probably the action of one of the kids that bully him over and over again. He knew that child ran away because of the footsteps tapping voice that was fastened. The piece of a broken mirror the blue eyes child was holding fell from him, shattering into an ever smaller pieces as he fell to the ground. One of that pieces went through the skin of his hand. He winced in pain, then eyed the now shattered mirror. A wave of uneasiness washed over him. It wasn't his mirror.

Before he could think of what to do, a woman came towards him.

"My, my, you hurt your hand" She said as she bent down and took his hand in hers to take a closer look.

"It doesn't look bad though. Let's go clean it for you" She smiled at him.

He just looked away, embarrassed at the situation he got involved at, and so touched by how nice she is. She is the woman who'd save him from that place, where they had two meals a day. It was better than any other orphanage in that city, but he was still lonely. He didn't get along with any of that kids. He always got in troubles. That kids would try to bully him, but he never showed his weakness to them. Instead, he'd get back at them. He was surely strong there, but in the end, they'd turn out to be the innocent kids while he'd be punished by the the one in charge of that place.

They liked to see him starve, or sometimes being beaten as a punishment for just defending himself, so leaving that place with such a nice lady, who is now considered his mother was such a great chance for him. It was a gift.

He went to his new place with his new mother. There was a kitchen, three rooms and a living room. He could spend time in any of them! There was also a TV and video games. The fridge was filled with food. It was the best thing could ever happen to him. His mother showed him to his room. As he got into it, a wider smile than the one he had the whole morning took place on his face, that if it was possible for his smile to grow bigger. It's a room. Only for him. No one would try to take over his turn in sleeping on bed. They took turns in the orphanage 'cause there was no enough beds there. He didn't have to sleep on the floor anymore. Although the bed was so comfy, he found it hard sleep. He was overjoyed. Nothing made him more happy than the happiness he got at the mere thought that he has a mother now. It all felt like a dream. He was afraid to sleep then wake to find it was a fantasy, but sleep could catch him no matter how hard he tried not to give in.

The next day, his mother took him shopping. To buy cloth he likes. Finally, he could change that untidy cloth he wore. It was hard to choose an out fit among all the cloth in the store. He picked only one outfit out of the big store he only looked at from the outside before, and stood shyly .

"What's wrong?" The woman asked him.

"N..nothing. I'm done picking cloth" Kouji stuttered. He thought that was enough. He couldn't ask for more.

"No dear, today you'll buy enough cloth to fill your closet" She said, trying to encourage him.

Even so, he picked only one more outfit, and refused to choose more. He was so afraid he'd be a burden on his new mother. She didn't want to push too much on him and decided to take him have some food and get icecream for dessert. He smiled widely when he saw that huge ice cream plate infront of him. It wasn't that big, but for him, it was huge. She smiled too. He was so pure. His smile would lure anyone to smile back.

Few days later, he was walking around in a garden while his mother was talking to someone. Maybe a friend of hers. He saw a child getting beaten. He knew how that feels, so he went to help him out. For some reason, he felt a strange bond to the other child. He felt really happy when they started doing something that he wouldn't be interested in. Chasing a butterfly. He was so surprised how the other child could be so happy by just running after a butterfly although he was really upset moments ago for calling him 'cute' . His smile told him that his soul was so pure, so white, not stained in any way although he was too young to realize all that. He just felt it. He loved that smile. It sent relief within him, but he had to go. He didn't want to worry his mother by being out of her sight for a long time.

The days that followed after, he went to that garden in the same time everyday, hoping to see him again. His first friend, but the other child, Kouichi as he remembered, never showed.

Oneday, he was doing the same, waiting for Kouichi and drawing circles on the sand, using a branch. A shadow covered the circles he was drawing. He looked up and saw a man infront of him.

"Hey kid, your mother is waiting for you in her car. Let me take you to her" The man said.

"If she was here, she'll come to take me" Kouji wasn't that stupid to go after a stranger.

"Smart kid, huh?"

Kouji could feel something was wrong and was already running away, but his short legs didn't allow him to get away. The man grabbed him. He tried to struggle, but the fabric pressed to his mouth drugged him. He drift into unconsciousness.

* * *

The eight year old child started to stir and opened his eyes, slowly ,remembering nothing of what happened. He looked around. He was in some sort of an old storage room. Bashing the confusion aside, he got up and went to open the door, but it was locked. The child stood for a while wondering why he was there and how was he supposed to get out, then he remembered. He was taken by that man! He started to get scared, searching the place for any possible exit, but there was none.

In a while, he heard the door get open. A man smoking a cigarette came in. He was the same one who drugged him.

Kouji didn't know what drug meant at that time, but he knew that this man in front of him is the cause for him to be in that dark,cold place. He stepped back as he saw the man walk towards him.

The man grabbed Kouji's hand, sending fear further within the small child.

"Let go of me!" Kouji yelled as he tried to pull his hand away, but the grip on his wrist got tighter. Kouji's eyes widened in horror at the next movement of the man.

The man was getting his cigarette close to Kouji's hand. He held Kouji's wrist so tight that Kouji couldn't close his palm to prevent what was going to happen.

*tish* The cigarette was pressed right in the center of Kouji's palm, The pain of the burn didn't allow him to yell out loud. He let out a weak whine while tears gathered in the corner of his eyes then started to stream down. It was like no other pain he felt.

"The next time you try to get away from me, it'll be a lot worse" The man threatened, using his cold tune while Kouji was crying.

"Stop crying!" He yelled, making Kouji jump. Despite the pain he was feeling, he wiped his tears quickly with his other hand, and tried his best to keep his sobs in.

The man left after pushing Kouji slightly.

Kouji fell to floor, hugging his still throbbing shaking palm close to his chest as he started to cry again, not knowing what'd happen to him. The man never got back that night, which was good, but Kouji's fragile hand was left with no treatment what so ever.

The other day, the same man came into the place Kouji was at. He didn't seem as angry as before, so Kouji's eyes got filled with hope. Maybe he would be nice enough to tell him what'd happen to him, or at least why he was there.

"S... Sir, please! I must get out of here! Why am I here? My mom will be so worried" Kouji said, unsure of anything.

The man bent down to the boy's level, and looked at him in the eye, saying:"Oh, you clueless child. You are here because of your mother"

"W... What do you mean?" Kouji, asked, feeling chills all over his body as he looked at the stern look the man had.

"You can't ask questions" The man stated firmly.

Kouji was scared, but a whisper escaped his lips: "Why?"

The man smacked the child all of sudden, making him fly and collide to a wall. "I said you can't ask! Now stop being too noisy, and don't utter a word!" The man yelled, easily out of patience.

Kouji winced in pain, ready to cry any moment.

The man continued:"You'll stay here 'till I get an order about you. If you get noisy, you'll be punished badly, and

if you try to escape, I'll make sure you won't be able to use those legs ever again"

Kouji shivered at his threatening. He pleaded:

"Please, don't hurt me"

The man pulled Kouji from his hair, and threw him to the other side of the place. He got out a pocket knife as he walked towards Kouji. He grasped the trembling child and dug his knife into the flawless skin of the terrified kid. He drew a line on his neck, ignoring the gasps and tears of the little child, then he said:"I told you not to get noisy! I don't like to repeat myself! Now here, hold this gun"

Kouji was trying to contain the order among all the fear and pain. The gun was sort of heavy, but he carried it although his hand was shivering.

"Can you see that can? Shoot at it, you pull the trigger like this, then you shoot" The man said as he tought him how to shoot, using another gun .

The voice of the loud bang of the shot frightened Kouji to the core.

"Try now" The man ordered.

Kouji frowned and tried, but couldn't even hold the gun properly although he held the gone with both of his hands. The burn in his hand started aching since he had to press on it to try to shoot.

"I said shoot!"

Kouji flinched, and put more strength into it, but it still didn't shoot! He couldn't utter a word about his palm being in pain, knowing that it'd result in a bad outcome.

The man snatched the gun and beat Kouji so hard. Kouji couldn't feel his surroundings anymore and blacked out.

A man joined the first and said:"What are you doing? You are supposed to teach him, not kill him"

"I lost my temper. He's such a cry boy. I'll try to control myself next time" The man replied

"Fine, be more careful. Even if you hit him, avoid his face. We don't need him to look hurt"

Days went by and Kouji didn't know how many days he had been in that storage room. Nobody told him why he needed to suffer. Nobody told him why he had to learn using guns, but he could tell it wasn't going to be a good reason. They only gave him food once each two days. They kept on teaching him to shoot the target while there was a gun pointed at his head, so he wouldn't try any tricks. Whenever he lost his focus, or failed targeting big time, he'd get beaten, and that happened a lot. Who'd focus with a gun pointed at his head?! Again, he's just a child who felt his feet so weak out of fear! Let alone the weakness he felt out of the lack of food. He learned to stay silent and never object on anything, or even cry in front of them 'cause he knew what was to happen to him if he ever did any of that. He was living fear and pain. nothing more.'till one day, he was finally allowed to talk.

"Listen, can you see this man?" The man said as he showed him a picture.

Kouji nodded in silence.

The man added : "You'll be a good boy and listen to me. You'll kill him"

Kouji's eyes widened

"shoot him in the head. I believe you're good enough not to mistake the space between his eyes. We'll take you to him. We were trying to get rid of that man for a long time, but he's always surrounded by guards. His only weakness is: He's so nice to children. Pretend you are lost. He'll help you. That'll be a perfect chance to kill him. Any questions?"

Kouji waved his head in denial and said:"I... I can't... Kill."

The man punched him ,saying:"You think I wasted my time with you for 3 months on nothing?! If you want to be free and save your mother, do it. No chance to fail"

"My mother?" Kouji asked in worry.

"Yes, your mother. It's simple. If you don't kill him, I'll kill her instead, and we'll get you back here and you won't like what happens. If you try to run away, consider your mother dead. Police will not help you. Who'd believe a child?" He left, leaving Kouji dumbfounded.

The next thing Kouji knew, he was on a flight with the man that tortured him for months. After landing, he gave Kouji a school bag any child would be carrying around. The gun was hidden in it. They took a taxi and stopped in front of a building.

"Look once more at the picture. The man will come out of a meeting in an hour from now. Ask him to help you find your mother. I'll watch your every step" The man said before he got away, watching the boy from afar.

Minutes passed heavily, pressing on Kouji's nerves, then finally, the man in the picture came out with other two men.

Kouji pulled the man's trouser slightly, uttering:"S... sir, please help me find my mom"

The man bent down, placing a reassuring hand on Kouji's shoulder, and asked:"Are you lost?"

Kouji nodded, not daring to look up.

"Where was the last place you saw your mother at?"

Kouji pointed at a random direction, not knowing where he pointed.

"In that cafe? Okay, come with me" The business man who happens to be the target of a murder now, held Kouji's hand and walked into the cafe. The two men followed him.

The business man asked:"How does she look like? Or what is she wearing?"

"A black shirt and a scarf" Kouji answered, nervously.

The man stood at the front desk, asking:"Excuse me, have you seen a woman wearing a black shirt with a scarf moments ago?"

The young girl behind the desk answered:"Sorry sir, I don't remember any of that"

They kept on searching and searching. Kouji was so scared, almost in tears of what may happen that night, and that convinced the man more that he's lost. After all, he doesn't know the real reason behind the child's actions.

The business man stood in front of a building that was filled with officers, and said:"I guess police station is all we got left"

"How can I help you sir?" An officer asked.

"This child is lost, and I can't find his parents" The business man answered.

"Well, give us your number and we'll call if we get a missing child report. I'm sorry, we can't keep him here tonight, so you'll have to take him with you" The officer apologized.

"Ah, okay then, I'll take him to my hotel room" The business man said as he smiled. Little did he know that the officer was a part of the whole thing. He was there to make sure the man they targeted will take Kouji with him.

Reaching the hotel , they got into the man's room. The man closed the door behind him, then he hugged the trembling boy. Letting go, he looked at him with the most caring and gentle eyes ever. Those looks were engraved in Kouji's mind in an instance.

"I'll find your mother. Don't worry, okay? I promise" The man said, making Kouji unable to hold in anymore. He felt tears stream down his cheeks . Why does he have to kill such a nice person?!

"No, no, don't cry" He wiped Kouji's tears, then continued:"My name is Meguri, what's yours?"

"K... Kouji"

"Okay Kouji. If you cry,you'll make me sad. You are a brave kid so keep it up. Hashirou is the same old as you as I suppose. If it was him,he'd cry from the first moment he realized he's lost" He said and smiled at the thought.

"H..Hashirou?" Kouji asked,trying to stop crying.

"Ah, he's my son. Anyhow, Trust me, you'll be okay. Now let's get you something to eat" He said then he went to get something from the fridge.

It was either now, or never. Kouji didn't really have any choice. He was so scared, so deadly scared.

Meguri came back with a sandwich in his hand and a bottle of juice, only to see a gun pointed at him. He gasped, eyes wide. He didn't see that coming.

Kouji's hand trembled and he couldn't find the courage to pull the trigger.

"Just answer one question. Did they torture you?" The business man asked after a realization had hit him. He seemed to know who sent an innocent child to kill. Such a pure child must've been through a lot to point a gun at someone.

Kouji nodded, earing a rather pained look from the man.

Meguri moved around.

Kouji got alerted, but he still couldn't shoot. Meguri wrapped the sandwich and placed it in Kouji's bag ,saying:"Make sure to have your food" Then he called the guards out there, saying:"Go book a room tonight. You're not in charge of protecting me for the night. Leave now"

He opened unlocked the room's door saying:" Now shoot"

Kouji shivered even more at the words

"I know they must have threatened you with a lot of things. Life is ahead of you Kouji! You can't lose everything now! I'm sorry I was a reason in this. Shoot me now!"

Kouji cried, still so confused.

"I said shoot!" He yelled.

A bullet was released in the air. Kouji couldn't really target well, but the bullet went right through the man's heart.

Meguri gave him a tender look before losing the ability to keep his eyes open. He said:"Run. Kouji ,don't... have any regrets." He closed his eyes.

Kouji got up, eyes wide. He stumbled back at the sight of the nicest man, laying lifeless in front of him. He ran out. He sat in an alley in a cold street, crying his eyes out. Pain was ripping him within. He shouted loudly. His voice cracking, but that didn't take any bit of that pain away. He couldn't bear it. It was as if he was burning within. His wounded heart seemed so incurable. His hands were stained. He could only see blood in them despite his young age.

_'Make sure to have your food'_

He took the sandwich out, taking a first bite through his tears. He could only taste bitterness in it. It was so damn hard to swallow. As if he was swallowing a heated up needles, but he went for another bite despite the pain that was lingering in his throat. He wished to disappear. Even disappearing wouldn't solve anything.

After hours of crying,

the cause of all that mess appeared. He took Kouji.

Kouji couldn't struggle. The will to fight left his body. They went to the airport, heading back to his country. After they arrived, the man got Kouji within a car, saying:

"I don't know why they want me to bring you to your house! I'd rather leave you at that alley. However, tell your mother that her dept was paid off. You paid it by killing that man"

Kouji didn't even look at him. Was it a dept or anything. Everything was meaningless.

"Do you really think she adopted you 'cause she wants you? She just needed someone to pay her dept for her" He added.

Kouji just ignored him. There was nothing wrong or right to him anymore.

At his Kouji's home door, he was pushed out of the car.

Kouji walked slowly into the home. The door was unlocked, so he didn't need to knock.

His mother met him. She hugged him tight, saying she was worried about him. He smiled faintly at her.

"Where were you? What happened? Are you okay?" She rained him with questions.

"I'm... Fine" Kouji answered. Even at that rate, he didn't want to be a burden.

She got a change of cloth for him, not believing him. Since he seemed too hurt to do anything, she took off his top for him. Her eyes widened at all the marks on his body. From bruises to cuts. It looked horrible. Her face turned even paler than before in a split second. The shock barely left some air for her to breath.

He didn't move one bit. His mother took him to hospital, noticing some wounds were infected, then she took him to his room and went to hers crying badly, but none of that reached him.

He'd always wake at mid-night yelling after he had a night mare, but no one would come to help him . He'd always get lost in his own darkness, but no one came to pull him out of it. The mother he tried to save was ignoring him! Totally! She'd see him cry and just walk away. She'd always come home late, or keep herself busy. She never supported him when he needed her the most. He was starting to believe that what the man said about the reason she adopted him for. It's as if he wasn't there anymore. 'till that day came and confirmed his doubts. The day he was crying and she slapped him, saying:"Why do you cry every night? Why do you have to bother me so much? Only if I left you in that orphanage, none of this would've happened"

He hated himself. Everything was just so wrong. It was true. He wasn't wanted. Just like the man had said. He wished so dearly to disappear, but he kept on living. For the sake of the man he took his life away. The man who was so willing to die for his sake. He lived, allowing guilt to eat him up.

* * *

**Asarikou-chan :**  
As far as I know, Satomi is Kouji's step-mother.  
And she's not the step mother mentioned here 'I barely remember the characters'  
Well,I don't know.. I thought the similarity and the fact that both father and son has same name as he knew is enough. Besides, Kouji, bing in his condition, lacks logical sense, so he's more likely to blindly follow his instinct. It'll be more obvious in later chapter.  
Thanks a lot for your constant reviewing :D

**nene-san :**  
Waaah,let's hope he does understand Kouji's situation  
and thanks for reviewing :D


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